Unspeakable Passions
by Hake Balms
Summary: HD's 6th year. HP accidentally finds out about DM’s ungodly past, but can they work it out and be together? Or is HP hiding a secret too? They try to keep their love a secret, but will the secret last? What will others do when they find out? HD Slash!
1. Silver Dreams

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Unspeakable Passions

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Author's Note I do not own the characters, they belong to J. K. Rowling. This is the first time I have ever writing a slash story. I hope it's somewhat good. Please Read and Review -- whether good or bad- so I know where I stand. Do not worry faithful readers of "The Vain Love" I will still be writing that story also.

Rated R for violence, slash, rape, and so on

Summary Harry accidentally finds out about Draco's ungodly past, but can they work it out and be together? Or is Harry hiding a secret from Draco too? But in the end, there is nothing but unspeakable passions or is there? H/D SLASH

Chapter One

Silver Dreams

Harry had gone upstairs for bed an hour before everyone else so he could work on his Transfiguration homework, but now all of his roommates were in their beds sleeping. Harry looked down at his homework to see if what he just wrote had made any sense. It did not, but it was good enough for the time being. _I really do not understand this stuff anymore. Maybe if I am lucky Hermione will let me copy her paper in the morning. But that will never happen._ His eye lids started to become very heavy, all he wanted to do was to close his eyes and just doze off. He slammed his book shut then proceeded to throw it and his homework on the floor next to his bed. He reached up and grabbed his red curtains to so he could shut them.

He laid himself onto his bed and stared up into the darkness. Now that he was lying down he did not feel tired anymore. He knew he had to sleep though, he needed to sleep for the Quidditch match that he had to play the next morning. But he just could not bring himself to sleep. A loud snore from Neville or Ron irrupted into the room.

Ron. He has no clue of how wonderful his life is. He has a family that loves him, he knows who he is and what he wants to be, he has got the best girlfriend in the entire school, he has everything I want. Everything. I wish I could have a family, a **real** family. Even if they did not really like me they would still be my family; just as long as they were alive. I would give anything just to know my parents, just to touch them, to hug them, to talk to them, just to even look at them would be a dream come true.

I have never been as lucky as Ron had been. Ron has a family that he can confine in, but what do I have? Nothing. Sure I have Ron and Hermione but I could never be completely truthful with them. For not only do they have each other they have their families also, but I do not have a person in the world. Not one. Instead of having a loving, caring childhood I got locked under the staircase and got to be the Dursley's slave because Voldemort had killed my family.

The thing that is most upsetting is that Ron was jealous of me. Ron wanted to be famous like me, to be a great Quidditch player, to be the **it **guy, to have money. I am only famous because my parents were murdered and then Voldemort tried to kill me but I lived. Who would want to be known for that? Your parents get murdered, you get a scar, and for the rest of your life you're **the boy who lived.** The girls only want me because I am famous, I only have money because my parents died. Why? Why had all of this had to happen to him? What did he do that was so horrible to deserve the life he received.

As Harry gazed into the darkness a single tear rolled down his cheek.He was now 16 years of age and cried himself to sleep over the loss of his godfather, Sirius. Not that he would ever admit that to anyone.

"Stupid chicken!!! Get back in that barn!!"

Harry couldn't help but to laugh. Hearing Seamus' Irish voice shout out in the night like that always seemed to cheer him up. He rolled over at looked at the clock next to his bed it read midnight. He was anxious to play the Quidditch match the following morning, but if he didn't get any sleep he won't get to play. _I can't wait to see Malfoy's face when I beat him again._

Malfoy. He has such beautiful perfect creamy white skin. I have only seen him smile a few times, but he looks drop dead gorgeous when he does. Draco's eyes are like the rippling water; a soft blue but yet sharp and ridged. When you look into them you can see no emotion, no feeling, just deep pools of darkness. Except when he smiles they brighten up and are loving and inviting. His hair looks so soft, I wonder if it feels soft too. He usually has a sweet smell of apples or vanilla. All in all he just has such elegant yet simple beauty. Wait. Did I just say Malfoy is beautiful? Okay…I definitely need to go to sleep.

_He was always a prick to Ron and Hermione. Then again, Draco usually comes up to me_ _to talk but they just seem to get in the way every time. Why couldn't they just leave me alone for once?. Everywhere I go they are always following me, watching me. It's not like I am just going to fall over dead or something. I mean I can definitely take care of myself. I have beaten Voldemort four times, not counting when I was a baby._

Harry rolled over and buried his face into his pillow. He decided that since he could not fall asleep he would go for a walk. He picked up his Invisibility cloak, looked around the room at his classmates. They all looked so peaceful and safe. Harry wished that he could be that carefree. He knew that within a couple of years their lives and hundreds of others will be in his hands. All he had to do was kill Voldemort. Easily said but definitely not done. He looked at them, watched them, he could not help but to love them. Knowing that their hopes, dreams and everything that will happen in their lives depending on him was starting to become to much.

He gazed at them all for one last time, listening to them breath deeply and hear Seamus mumble something about rubber chickens and then left. He could not take looking at them. All it brought was sadness to his heart. He hated the fact that their lives depended on him. What if he was to fail. What if Voldemort won? What would happen to the rest of the world, to his friends here at Hogwarts?

Harry comprehend that he needed to stop thinking and start walking. As he walked down the stairs he realized that he needed to walk quieter, so no one could hear him. He did not know where he was heading or what he was doing but he soon found himself down in the Entrance Hallway.

He saw a familiar beautiful boy standing in front of the front doors. He had silver blonde hair, crystal blue eyes, and a look of disapproval on his face. That boy could be no other than Draco Malfoy. Harry wondered why Draco was down here at this time of night. _What could he possibly be up to now_?

But something seemed wrong with Draco. He kept looking around nervously. He kept glancing down at his watch and tapping his foot. He was acting as though he was waiting for something or someone. At that time the front doors opened and Pansy Parkinson walked in.

"Finally. I thought you would never come back. You know I do have to go to sleep tonight. You know for the Quidditch match tomorrow," Draco said with a sigh.

"Sorry. I did not mean to waste your perfect time. On something so unimportant. Besides it is not like you guys are going to win anyway. Harry has always won." She replied nastily.

"Not always."

"Besides that one time when the dementor attacked him."

"All I am saying is that it took you long enough." Draco snarled at her.

"Well, next time you can just do it yourself. I am tired of doing all of your dirty work Draco and half the time I do not even understand what I am doing, but I do it anyway, for you. So next time you can just bugger off."

"Oh, Shut up you silly little girl. You will do as I say girl otherwise there will be punishments." Draco said half-heartedly.

"Sure. That's what you think and by the way, what kind of punishments are we talking about?" She said as she ran her hand through his silky blonde hair. Pansy got up on her tip-toes and kiss Draco. Draco gave an evil smile.

He bent down a bit so she did not have to stand on her tiptoes. Draco reached his arm around her and laid it on her hips. She looked up at him and whispered something into his ear. He rolled his eyes at her and she started to giggle. Draco kissed her again but this time it was a more forceful kiss. He shoved her up against the wall, pinning her. She grabbed his hair and moaned.

Harry had to turn away. The sight sickened Harry. He could feel anger rush through his veins. All Harry wanted at that moment was to be in Malfoy's arms the way that Pansy was. To hold him, to kiss him, to whisper little nothings into his ear, to love that beautiful man. Jealousy was rushing through him he wanted to be with Draco. He could bare to look at them anymore he had to leave. Harry stormed out of the Entrance Hall and was on his way back to the Gryffindor common room.

_Why am I feeling so angry? I mean I do not like Malfoy. Do I? I mean I have always known he was attractive and everything but I have never…well…fell for him. But…but….I am not…gay. No matter what all has happened. I am not gay. I can not be. Well…maybe I am. I did let them do that. Okay….**I **have got to stop thinking about that. I mean I have liked plenty of girls, well somewhat._

Harry reached the portrait of the fat lady, slipped the Invisibility cloak off and barked "lemon drops" at her. The Fat Lady gave him a bad look but she let him in but not after telling him off. He stormed himself up the stairs towards his room. As he went into his room he slammed the door shut. He could hear Seamus mumble something and realized that he was being a little loud. He went over to his bed and threw himself down on it.__

Okay. I am going nuts. I really need to go to sleep. I mean I must be losing my mind. I mean I cannot like….like… Malfoy. It's just so deranged. Of all people, Draco? Maybe it is his whole bad boy image, his darkness, or something like that. The way he did not let anybody in, the way he did not show emotion. I wonder if that is really him. Or if he is acting like somebody else. But then again his father is just the same. Maybe his father raised him to be like that. To never let his emotions get the better side of him, to never let anybody in, and to always keep his guard up.

Malfoy and his father did share a lot of traits. They both had silvery blonde hair, those deep mysterious memorizing eyes, their stunningly good looks. No wonder why every girl and most guys who laid eyes on him had fallen absolutely in love with him. He is in everybody's fantasies. Now he is even in my fantasies.

Harry stared up into the darkness that surrounded him. He glanced over at the cloak that was sitting on his bedside table, it now read one in the morning. _Damn I need to go to sleep. The game against Slytherin will be in about eleven hours. I need to go to sleep, if I do not then there will be no way that I will be able to play in tomorrow's game._

He rolled over and buried his face into his pillow. He laid there for a moment and let his mind wonder over to Draco, before letting his eyes finally shut. He finally allowed himself to sleep and to dream of the beautiful silver haired boy.


	2. Quidditch Match

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Chapter Two

Quidditch Match

The wind tussled Harry's already messy air as he took flight. He soared high about the Quidditch Pitch, his eyes darting looking for any sign of the golden snitch. A Flash caught his eye. It was Draco Malfoy soaring towards him in the sky. _Gosh he is so hot. I wish I could just go over there and shag him. Wait…HARRY YOU'VE GOT TO STOP THINKING LIKE THIS. But he's just so…so…hot….HARRY STOP IT!!! _Malfoy was only a few meters away his eyes were also darting looking for the tiny golden ball.

"GRYFFINDORS SCORE!!! GO GINNY!!!! 10 TO 0" Dean's voice echoed through the pitch. Screams could be heard from the Gryffindors side and boos from Slytherin.

Harry's heart was racing. He wanted to find the snitch, he needed to find the snitch, he had to find the snitch. _I've got to get this thing. So I can prove that I'm the best seeker and that Gryffindor is better than Slytherin. I just want to win that damned Quidditch Cup. I want to win it for myself, my pride, all the Gryffindors,…and…and…Sirius. _Harry felt a sharp pain of guilt in his chest. _Now's not the time to be thinking about Sirius, Harry. _Harry flew to the other side of the Pitch hoping to catch a glimpse of the snitch. Instead of seeing the snitch he saw Malfoy tailing him watching his every move.

"A ANOTHER GOAL FOR GRYFFINDOR!!! COME ON SEAMUS KEEP SCORING!!!"

More cheers and loud cheers went through the stadium. The sound was beginning to become almost deafening. Harry could feel his pulse going through temples with every screaming. It was beginning to become to much, he felt sick. The Screaming grew louder and louder. His mind began to slip, he was becoming dizzy. _It's just so damn hot!! I can't take this!! _His head was becoming a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions about the game, Draco, Sirius, and all of the screaming. He tried to push the screaming out of his mind and tried to focus on the game and only on the game.

"YES!!! THAT WAS A NICE SAVE BY RONALD WEASLEY!!" Dean's voice boomed through the pitch. "I BELIEVE HE IS THE BEST KEEPER OUT ON THE FIELD!! Oh yes sorry Professor, I won't say how Gryffindor is unbelievably the best team at Hogwarts. Yes, Yes sorry. WAIT SEAMUS SCORES AGAIN!!! THAT MAKES IT 30 TO 0!!!!"

Little hairs began to rise on the back of Harry's neck. Harry could feel that he was being watched. He turned his head only to see that Malfoy was still on his tail. _What in the hell is his problem. He can watch for the snitch himself. He doesn't have to stay right on men to find the damned thing. I wonder if he is following me or if it's just me wishing that he is following me. _So Harry darted left only to see Draco do the same. _I knew it. I wonder if I can through him off make him fall into a little trap. But what to do, I mean he is Malfoy after all he won't be easily fooled. _Harry's face grew into an evil grin as he thought of what to do about his little stalker.

Harry flew himself towards the ground going at a 90 degree angle. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Draco following suit and spiraling towards the ground also. Harry and Draco were approaching the ground fast. Harry knew what he had to do so he sped up. Making himself go faster towards the ever nearing ground. Cheers irrupted into the stadium as everyone had thought Harry had seen the snitch. _Are those people really that blind…there's no snitch in front of me!_

"I DO BELIEVE HARRY POTTER HAS SEEN THE SNITCH!!!!! GO HARRY, GO!!!" Dean voice yelled "HARRY WATCH IT!!! DON'T HIT THE GROUND YOU STUPID GIT!!! Yes, yes sorry again Professor."

Harry's heartbeat was going a mile a minute. He was only a few feet from hitting the earth beneath him when he pulled up. His broom was barely skimming the grass. He could smell the dirt. Harry could hear a sickening crash and he could hear a shriek of pain behind him. Turning his head he saw Draco sprawled out on the ground. _YES!!! IT WORKED!! That should teach that stupid slime ball to follow me!! Then again his not really all that bad I guess. I mean he seems like he could be nice and all. Damn it Harry pay attention to the game!!!_

When he turned his head to see what was in front of him, he saw something made him smirk. What he had seen right in front of his face was the little golden ball with wings known as the snitch flew a few feet in front of him. Harry sped his firebolt up trying to catch up with the little golden ball. Harry became almost side by side with the snitch. He reached out his hand and grasped the tiny golden snitch in his hands.

He soared into the air shaking his hand showing everyone that he had caught the tiny golden ball. Cheers irrupted into the stands as Madam Hooch screamed "GRYFFINDORS WIN!"

"YES!!! LIKE I SAID GRYFFINDOR IS THE BEST TEAM AT HOGWARTS!!!! YES!!! THERE'S DEFINITELY GOING TO BE A PARTY IN THE GRYFFINDOR TOWER TONIGHT!!!!!!!!" Dean's voice echoed through the air.

Red and Gold streamers and pieces of glitter went flying into the air as Harry and the rest of his teammates landed in the center of the Quidditch Pitch. The cheers and screaming only grew louder, much to Harry's displeasure.

"YOU!!!! YOU MOTHER FUCKING GIT!!!!" Draco Malfoy's voice screamed over all of cheers. "NO ONE!!! I MEAN NO ONE HURTS A MALFOY!!"

Draco took off in a sprint after Harry. If looks could kill Harry would have died hundred times over with the look Draco was giving him as he tackled Harry to the ground. Harry let out a yelp of pain as Draco's fist collided with his face breaking his glasses. This caused a slight disadvantage for Harry because he was now blind as a bat. Harry kicked Draco and flipped them over. Harry started to punch Draco repeatedly over and over as best as he could but by the sounds Draco was making he was sure he was hitting right on target. Draco screamed with pain as Harry busted one of his teeth out. Harry could feel Draco's hot blood on his hands but he didn't care, he just wanted to cause Draco to bleed more.

Draco finally got away from Harry's grasp. He flipped over on top of Harry and started to kick him and punch him as hard as he possibly could. Harry felt a sharp pain go through his jaw and Draco hit it. He knew that it had broke. Harry started to choke on his own blood, his jaw was bleeding very heavily by now.

Draco grabbed Harry's messy hair and started to jerk on it. As he was jerking Harry's hair Draco's leg was rubbing up against Harry's crotch causing Harry wither in pleasure. _ Oh god NO!! Please don't let this be happening. Please, please, please don't do this…not here not now…not like this_. Draco could feel Harry growing hard and for some reason he liked it, he wanted to make Harry wither with pleasure; he liked that he could make Harry moan out like that.

Draco started rubbing his leg up against Harry's growing problem. Harry's face twisted with pleasure as he let out a suppressed moan. _Oh my…ooohhh…god….please don't let him stop….it just feels so good. _Harry unwillingly started to thrust himself up against Draco. He wanted Draco to feel the same way as he was feeling. A cold chill went up and down Draco's back as Harry started to thrust against him. He could feel himself becoming more attracted to the Gryffindor, all he wanted to do was to shag Harry senseless.

Draco bent down and put his lips against Harry's ear so Harry could feel Draco's warm breath as he whispered, "So our little golden hero is a gay boy? That's interesting. And our little hero seems to have a problem with relieving some of his _stress?"_

"Fuck you, Malfoy." Harry said as he let out a breathy moan.

"I bet you would."

He looked up into Draco's eyes. _He's is just so beautiful. _Harry could hear people walking towards him. He looked up and saw Madam Hooch with her wand out pointed down at them. Harry was about to call out for her when she cast a spell on them. He couldn't hear what spell she said but it knocked him and Draco out.

As the people approached him, he tried to say something but nothing would come out. He tried to move but he couldn't. Harry could feel people grabbing Draco and taking him away. Then he could feel strong hands picking him up and carrying him. He figured they must be taking him and Draco to the Hospital Wing, so that they could get their injuries fixed.

When they entered the Hospital Wing, Poppy was going nuts. She was barking at people to put us, telling them to get away, she yelled at someone to go get Professor Snape so he could give us certain potions that she didn't' have. After she shoved everyone else out of the room she turned to Harry and Draco. She was cursing at the boys as Professor Snape was making them drink the potions and as she healed them and as .

Poppy started saying how stupid they were for fighting over a silly Quidditch game. That it was nothing but nonsense and that they were too old to be acting so foolish. Professor Snape went over to Harry and gave him a potion that would restore his eye sight.

Harry looked over at Draco lifeless form. _Even when he is covered in blood and cuts he is still hot. Is that a tear coming out of his eye? He may be good looking but he is a baby when it comes to pain._ Harry was still pondering thoughts of Draco as he slipped out of conciseness.


	3. My Lips are Sealed

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Author's Note

Thanks to all of you that reviewed!!! It makes me feel bubbly inside when I check my email and there's a review in there, it really does mean a lot to me! : )

JumpyPUNKyMonKey: your question about Draco and Pansy will be answered with in the next couple of chapters.

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Chapter 3

My Lips Are Sealed

Harry slipped his eyes open and tried to sit up so that he could look at the room around him, but he immediately fell back down because of all of the pain. The feeling was almost like a bad hangover. Harry could hear some next to him starting to stir; he figured that it must Draco trying to get up but failing just as miserably as he was.

"Oh shit…my fucking head…"Draco started to rant.

Harry opened his eyes once again and decided he didn't care about the pain, but that he just needed to keep his eyes open. He looked over at the silver haired boy who laid in the bed next to him. _I just wish I could…. I could be with him. But that's a fat chance…he's with Pansy, so I guess that makes him straight. Unless, Pansy is just a cover up like how Hermione and Ginny used to be mine. Even if he is straight he's still extremely hot. I mean here he is lying there looking like he has a hangover but yet; he is still just as hot as ever. I wonder how he keeps himself always looking good like that. It must be a **Malfoy** secret._

Harry watched Draco try to get up once again, but Draco fell back down relentlessly. Harry closed his eyes and let the pain wash over him again. But this time someone brought a potion to his lips for him to take. Harry swallowed it very rapidly; he just wanted the pain to go away. The potion made Harry's insides squirm for a moment, then it his body went extremely cold then at last it heated back up. As the pain started to subside Harry opened his eyes up too look at his healer.

"Professor Snape?" Harry started to question his teacher. "What are you doing here?" For Harry was very surprised to find Professor Snape of all people trying to make him feel better.

"I'm giving to two ignorant boys healing potions what does it look like? Why you two insist on fighting is beyond me…" He said as he started to give Draco the same ice blue potion as Harry had just drank moments before.

"I don't know I just didn't expect to see you here…you know, helping me, your least favourite student."

"Ahh yes…well trust me Mr. Potter it is not by choice. The Headmaster and Poppy both demanded that I give you both potions. I didn't mind giving them to Mr. Malfoy here but you on the other hand…" Snape's voice started to trail off.

"Severus? Exactly how long were we well out of it, you know passed out?" Malfoy's voice interrupted into the room.

"Only for one night. Well you both seem to be back to your normal selves, if this is what you consider normal. So get dressed and get out of this Hospital as quickly as you possibly can manage." Snape barked at them.

Harry looked down and it was only then that he realized he was only wearing a hospital gown. He tried not to think of who probably undressed him, but the thought did cross his mind. He looked over next to his bed and found his clothes sitting on the bedside table. Harry and Draco both jumped off of their beds and started to make their way towards their clothes.

"SHIT!!! This fucking bloody floor is cold." Draco said the moment his bare feet touched the ground.

Harry pulled his gown off of him and let it fall to the floor. Draco didn't mean to look at the boy stripping but he just couldn't tear his eyes away from him. As Draco eyed Harry standing their wearing nothing but his red silk boxers Draco took note of his perfectly cut muscles, the way that his muscles seemed to shine or have some kind of glow to them, the way that his body moved so fluently on command, the way that any movement looked absolutely effortless, how his dark brown hair fell messily across his face, how the boy looked absolutely amazing without his glasses because you could actually see his beautiful emerald green eyes, and his sleek tan body and just how Harry seemed to look almost perfect in every way that you look at him. _Great gods, where did that boy get a body like that. I mean I always thought he had a good body, but the clothes he wears really don't show exactly how great of a body he's got. _

Harry grabbed his pants and started to pull them on, he was about to button them when he had the feeling he was being watched. He turned to look at Draco who was standing there just staring at him looking like he was about to pounce on him. Harry blushed and turned away because he noticed that Draco was now stripping also. Harry took a quick glance back only to Draco still standing there watching him.

"Honestly, Draco what are you looking at?" Harry's voice quivered as he said it.

Draco turned away, blushing; he hadn't realized that he had been staring at Harry for so long. "Um, nothing, Potter. Why would I be staring at you? And besides, since when have you been calling me Draco?"

"Oh…um…I don't know. I guess it just slipped or something."

Both boys had turned away from each other blushing like mad because both were embarrassed over what they had said and done. _Merlin, Harry. Why did you call him Draco? You stupid Git. Gosh. Why was he staring at me like that anyway? I mean I can't be that good looking. I mean to get a straight guy to go gay. HA! You only wish he was gay. That way you could have him to yourself. Yeah oh well, so I guess I want Draco, Shit no I want Malfoy. He's not Draco yet. If you keep thinking of him you're going to end up doing what you did yesterday, Potter. Oh shit. I hope he doesn't tell anyone, that would be just….shit._

Like Harry, Draco was also cursing himself._ Great Gods. Why was I staring at him that long? I mean I only meant to look for a second. But not to stand there like some stupid fool. But goodness. I mean I always thought that he was hot…but GOD!! I never imagined him to look like that. I mean he looks so…so I don't know if there are words to explain that. I mean I almost got a hard on just from looking at boy._

As they both finished dressing they started to head for the door. But Harry's statement stopped them dead in their tracks. "Hey Malfoy. Can you wait a sec? I need to ask you something."

"Umm…sure Potter. Just make it fast okay. I don't want to spend my whole Saturday in here with you."

"Well it's just um…. Well you see it's just."

"Come on Potter spit it out."

"Can you promise me that you won't tell anyone about what happened yesterday. I mean, I just don't want anyone to know about it, that's all."

"Oh… So our little Potter boy is afraid that someone will think that he's a queer. Or are you a queer and you just don't want anyone to know about it. Are you just trying to stay inside the closet a bit longer? You know…so your little mind can figure this problem out? Do you want me Potter? Do you want to shag me this very moment? Don't try and deny it Potter I know you want me…I can see it in your eyes. Not that I blame you, hell if I were you I'd want me too. "

Harry could feel his facing growing red when Draco had said that, because it hit right on target. _ I do want Draco, but is it really so obvious that you can tell I like him?... most likely. People always do say I wear my heart on the sleeve of my shirt. _It stung his heart. He wasn't even for sure if he was gay, it would be like bisexual. _Then again every time that I was with Hermione, Ginny or Cho I didn't really like it. It was more of something that I had to do to make sure no one thought I was gay. I never really enjoyed it. _This was a big shock to Harry because no one had even had a suspicion that he was gay. The only one that could figure it out was the one that he had a thing for.

Harry didn't know what came over him he was just feeling so lost. He felt sadness because it was true he was _gay._ He felt happiness because now he could be himself without any cautions. He felt anger because he wanted to keep it a secret but yet Draco no wait…_Malfoy _had found out. The anger was the emotion that he was feeling the most. And anyone who knows Harry knows that he does things before he thinks about it.

The next thing Harry knew he had jumped Malfoy. He grabbed Draco's neck and shoved him as hard as he possibly could into the cold brick wall, which caused Draco's head to produce a sickening crack against it. Harry leaned in close; close enough that the tip of his nose was touching Draco's. Harry could feel Draco's hot breath against him, for Draco was taking very shallow and rapid breaths almost making him hyperventilate.

"Now you listen here you bastard, and listen good. I am not gay, I am not bi, I am not attracted to guys in any way, I am straight. What happened yesterday was an accident. It's not my fault that you were rubbing up against me. I can't really control what you do." Harry spat at him.

"Yes I know I was egging you on. But what about when you started to thrust yourself up against me? Tell me Potter…are you afraid of being gay?" Draco asked in a concerned voice. Which surprised Harry because he was expecting him to be hateful.

"No it's not like that…I'm not gay…really. And me rubbing up against you was a mistake. That's all."

"Okay Potter. But you still never answered my question…do you want me?"

"Yes I did!"

"No you didn't you said you weren't attracted to guys…but I didn't ask you if you were attracted to other guys. I asked you if you were attracted to me…well are you, Potter?"

"I…um…no…" Harry's voice said in a not so convincing way.

Draco leaned in closer to Harry. He put his lips up against Harry's ear and let them brush his ear as he said, "Then why are you still so close to me then?"

"I'm not." Harry said as he started to back away from Draco. "You still have _really_ answered me yet either. Will you please not tell anyone about what happened yesterday?"

"If you're not gay…then what's it matter if I tell?"

"I don't know, it just does. Promise me Draco, please."

"Don't worry my lips are sealed, your little secret is safe with me. But would you please stop calling Draco…you don't know me well enough to call me that."

"Thank you, _Malfoy_." Harry said as he started to walk out the door. But he didn't notice Draco following him so closely behind. Right before Harry got to the exit Draco called out to him.

"Hey Potter!"

Harry turned around and was face to face with Draco. Draco grabbed Harry forcefully and pulled him towards him. Draco looked up into Harry's emerald green eyes and then leaned in closer to him and brushed his lips across Harry's. Electricity flowed though them both as their lips came into contact. Harry leaned into Draco wanting to deepen the kiss. Draco's tongue licked Harry's bottom lip begging for entrance. Harry started to moan as Draco's tongue touch his lip and Harry open his mouth allowed it to come into contact with his own.

Harry snuck his hand underneath Draco's shirt and started to run his hand up and down on Draco's back. Draco skin was smooth and soft to the touch, Harry could feel himself wanting more Draco. Harry started to deepen their kiss yet again and started pulling Draco closer to him. Draco moaned into Harry. Draco slipped his hand under the front of Harry's shirt and started to draw little circles on Harry's fine cut abdomens. Neither one of the two boys was thinking at the moment all they wanted was each other, to be with each other.

The entrance door to the hospital wing flew open making a loud bang against the wall. Both Harry and Draco jerked apart. Draco was throwing an evil glare at the intruder, Professor Snape.

"Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy, why are you two boys still in here? I thought I had clearly told you two to get out."

Harry and Draco both started to make their way out of the hospital. As they were walking Draco leaned closer to Harry and whisper to him so that Snape couldn't here. "And you said you didn't want me. Have I changed your mind Potter?"

TBC

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Another Author's Note

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	4. Potions Class

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Author's Note: Since fanfic will not let me do the little squiggle lines or the asterisks anymore (you know, to indicate passing time, for a scene change, or main thoughts changing from person to person) I've decided to do this bqbqbqbq.

Chapter 4

Potions Class

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_His soft pale pink lips, his mysterious silver eyes, his fine soft blonde hair, and his strong hands that held me, he's just so perfect. The only thing that I could ever find wrong with him is that his last name is Malfoy. And for some reason, just because of his last name he thinks that he has to be a different person; it's completely insane. _All morning and all of last night Harry had spent most of his time thinking about the ambitious Slytherin. Every time he tried to work on his homework or try and do anything to take his mind off of Draco, it just backfired. Whenever he tried not to think about him, he thought about him even more.

"So Harry mate," Ron's voice broke through the silence. "Are you feeling any better?" Ron asked Harry as they made their way from the Gryffindor Tower down into the dungeons for their potions class.

"Well, I guess. I mean my jaw feels better than what it did." Harry replied and then let his mind wander to thoughts of Draco once again.

They walked around another corner and made another left and then went into the classroom with the rest of their classmates. The first thing that got Harry's attention when he entered the room was Draco. And that Draco was staring right back at him with those mysterious silver eyes.

Harry and Ron walked over towards the Gryffindor side of the room and sat down in front of Hermione and Neville. Harry couldn't help himself. He started to watch Draco intensely, as though he was studying him. Harry was watching his every move. He was watching him talk with Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle, he watched him laugh and smile. He watched Draco be himself. _ I wish I could get to know the real Draco Malfoy. The one that laughs, the one that smiles, the one that jokes around and has fun. The one who is just himself. The one who doesn't pretend to be hateful or mean just because he is a Malfoy. Not the one who will hide his emotions because he doesn't want to let people in. I want to know Draco Malfoy as Draco Malfoy, not pretending to be someone he isn't. Not pretending to be someone that everyone expects and how everyone wants him to be. I just want him for him nothing more and nothing less, I just want him._

Draco could _feel_ a certain raven haired Gryffindor's eyes on him. He slowly turned his head towards Harry and let his eyes rest on the Gryffindor beauty. They held each other's eyes for a couple of moments before Draco turned his attention back towards the girl sitting to the left of him, Pansy. As Harry was watching him, Draco grabbed Pansy and pulled her closer to him and kissed her. As Draco was kissing her he turned his eyes back up towards Harry. They were staring into each other's eyes as he was making out with Pansy. This just confused Harry even more than what he already was. _What in the world is he doing? I mean we're in the potions classroom!! Is he really looking at me? Why in the world is he looking at me but kissing her? …. She's a lucky girl, I mean he is a great kisser, I wish I could kiss him again_.

"Harry?" Ron's voice broke through his many thoughts of Draco.

"Yeah, Ron."

"Would you take a look at Malfoy? What's he on about; I mean can't he just do that in their own common room? I mean come on can't they just take it somewhere else or something ---"

The door to the potions classroom slammed shut as the potions master, Professor Snape walked into the room. But the only people who didn't seem to notice were Ron and Malfoy. "Now class settle yourselves down and be quite, that means you Mr. Weasley." Professor Snape said coolly since Ron was still rambling on about what Malfoy was doing. "And Mr. Malfoy would you please take your tongue out of Ms. Parkinson's mouth." At that statement Ron couldn't control himself any longer, he started into a fit of high-pitched giggles, which reminded Harry of a little girl.

"Mr. Weasley would you please calm yourself. If you don't then you _will _be leaving this classroom." Snape said shortly.

Ron leaned over towards Harry and whispered to him, "What crawled up his arse and died?"

"MR. WEASLEY!!! What part of be quite and calm yourself do you not understand?" Snape said while staring down Ron as though waiting for him to answer. "No answer? Well since you and Mr. Potter can't refrain yourselves from talking I'm going to have to separate the both of you," he started to say as he looked around the room for their new potions partners for the day.

"Ah, Mr. Weasley you'll be with Ms. Parkinson and Mr. Potter you'll be with…" he started as he glanced around the room once again. "Mr. Malfoy. Now Ms. Parkinson would you please take Mr. Potter's seat and Mr. Potter you take hers. Now Move!!" He barked at them.

Harry quickly grabbed his stuff head made his way over towards Draco. He took a quick glance back up at Ron, he saw the red hair boy trying to mouth, "I'm sorry". But Harry just turned his head thinking _it's to late to be sorry now you prat. _Harry turned his attention back to the blonde boy in front of him. Draco gave him a sneer before giving him a small wink. _Why does he keep doing shit like that? Someone is going to catch on to that and think that there is something going on between the two of us. Well then again I guess that wouldn't be so horrible. _Harry slammed his stuff down next to Draco before taking his seat. He took a quick glance up at the blonde Slytherin, who just gave Harry a small smile. Harry turned away from the blonde Slytherin blushing.

"Now since this little interruption is over we can all learn about the Polyjuice Potion. Since you've all made this potion earlier this year, some were better than others so this should just be a mere practice lesson. I have a stack of the _Moste Potente Potions_ over there next to the ingredients in the student's cupboard. Follow the instructions, very carefully. The only difference between our version and theirs is that we will not be using lacewings. If you look at the ingredients that I have laid out for you, you will notice that there is a replacement we will be using horsefly wings; so please use the replacement. If you don't use it, well the consequences could be devastating."

"You will also be using hairs from your partner. So that you will just switch places with your partner. I've also laid out just enough shredded skin of a broomslang and powdered horn of a bicorn so don't take more than what you will need. Well then what are you waiting for, get started. Oh one last thing, we will be taking this potion tomorrow so that the effects of the potion won't be long lasting. Instead of being an hour long it should last anywhere from 10 to 15 minutes. I also expect you all to write two feet of parchment of the difference of not using lacewings." Professor Snape said before turning on his heal and walking back towards his desk.

"Well you heard him Potter, go get the book and ingredients and I'll do the rest. I don't want you messing up this potion, since it will be effecting both of our grades." Malfoy sneered. Harry was relieved to hear this; he didn't even want to attempt this potion. He knew that he would end up messing it up somehow. So he was quite thankful when Draco said that he would make the potion.

Harry walked towards the students store cupboard. He checked this list of the ingredients in the book once again to make sure he had everything that they would need before walking back over to Malfoy. He laid the book and ingredients down next to Draco and just let him get to work. Harry leaned over next to Draco and watched him, yet again. But as he was watching him his mind started to wonder towards thoughts of him.

_I just wish I could figure him out. First he's with Pansy in the Entrance Hall looking all lovey dovey with her, then he's giving me a hard-on in the Quidditch pitch, and then he making out me in the hospital wing, now he's watching me while he's kissing Pansy. I just wish I knew what was going through his mind. Maybe then I would know how to act around him._

I mean do I be my usual self and be hateful and mean with him or do I act on how I feel? Should I try and talk to him or should I just not do anything and let him make the first move? Should I just try and forget about the kiss or should I kiss him again? Should I just go on with my everyday life and not acknowledge him or should I just go up to him and start talking to him and try to be friendly? I mean…I guess I should just wait for him to bring it up or for him to do something, or whatever he wants to do about it because I honestly have no clue on what to say to him. I mean I wouldn't want to say, "So Malfoy, did you know how good of a kisser you are and that all I can ever think about is you?"

"Harry, can you please hand me the leeches and I need you to poor in the horsefly wings in on top of that when I tell you to." Harry handed Draco the bag of leeches. After Draco put them into the potion, then he nodded for Harry to poor in the horsefly wings.

Harry looked up at Draco even though Draco wasn't looking at him and asked, "Malfoy? Did you just say please?" Draco looked up at him as if waiting for what Harry was going to say next. "Um well…why did you just call me Harry?"

"Actually, I um…" He started before leaning closer to Harry and pressing his lips against Harry's ear and whispering " I don't know really…I guess it's just that I think I know you well enough to call you Harry now, especially after…well you know the whole hospital incident."

Draco leaned over Harry trying to grab the next ingredient. Draco's leg was pressed up against Harry's. Draco turned a little and leaned further causing his crotch to rub up against Harry's side. Harry could feel a cold chill running through his body and he could feel his mouth going dry. Harry could feel his face turning red, he didn't know why he was embarrassed but he was. _Harry, bloody stop it! You don't want what happened on the Quidditch Pitch to happen here in potions, do you?_

Draco grabbed the ingredient then took his body back off of Harry's. Harry could feel himself almost moaning from the loss of Draco's warmth. Harry liked the feeling of another person so close to them. He liked the warmth coming from Draco's body. He liked the feeling of someone touching him. He just liked it when other people were around him. He liked the fact that maybe someone really could one day really love him as more than just _the boy who lived._

After Draco added the last ingredient he turned his attention back towards Harry. Draco took his hand and slid it around Harry's muscular neck. Draco started to twirl the Gryffindor's raven hair in between his fingers. Harry could almost feel himself want to moan, he liked it when people ran their fingers through his hair, especially if it was Malfoy. He loved the feeling it always gave him cold chills when people did that. Malfoy ran his smooth fingers through Harry's hair one last time before jerking some of his hairs out.

"Shit Draco, what was that for!" Harry almost shouted. As he looked at Draco as though he was going to kill him.

"Calm yourself. It was for the potion. I needed part of you remember?" Draco said flatly. But he did take notice that the raven-haired boy was very attractive when he was angry. He looked dangerous but still extremely sexy.

"Oh yeah…well in that case…"Harry started to say before reaching around his head playfully and ripping out a few of Draco's hair. Harry turned his head back towards Draco and gave him a small smile and Draco just rolled his eyes. _Goodness the boy is still so childlike; he still has most of his innocence. Something that I never would have expected him to still have. I mean with all the things he must have seen, I figured that he would have grown up a long time ago._

They added each other's hairs to their own potions before putting them away and turning them in to Professor Snape. When they got back to their seats Draco muttered a quick cleaning spell and everything was back in order and looked like it had never been touched. As soon as both of them started to sit down the bell had rang and both of them quickly grabbed the rest of there belongings, shoved them into their bags and left the classroom and each other.

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That night after dinner Harry walked straight through the Common Room and walked up the stairs and into his dorm. He was tired of thinking, well thinking of a certain blonde Slytherin anyway. He grabbed his red book bag off of his trunk and emptied it out on to his bed. He figured that he should go ahead and start on some of his homework instead of putting it all off for the weekend. He was already stressed enough, he didn't need to make his weekends stressful if they didn't have to be. He figured that maybe this of all things would finally take his mind off of the silver-eyed boy.

But when Harry started to gather all of his books and notes for certain subjects together he noticed one black book that wasn't his. It was a rather large book it was as big and even bigger than most of his text books and it looked to be made out of a very fine leather, it reminded Harry of a diary, diary of a filthy rich person. _Who in the world does this belong to and how in the world did I end up getting it? Who ever it is I bet they're freaking out right now, HA!! I know I would. I mean if I knew that someone had a book that had all of my personal thoughts in it I would be going nuts and screaming at people and goodness knows what else. I mean I would completely lose it. I mean what if it fell into the hands of like my worst enemy or PROFESSOR SNAPE!!! That would really suck ass._

Harry started to look at the large black book closer but still not picking it up. He looked at it like it was some kind of bug that needed to be squashed immediately. _ I guess I shouldn't read it, even though it would be very interesting, no no I can't read it. I mean I would hate it if I had one and someone read it. I mean I do need to respect their privacy and all, but then again I doubt anyone would stop themselves from trying to read mine. So why should I not read theirs……no I can't do that, it's just wrong._

Harry finally reached over and picked the rather large black book up. It was very smooth and felt good to the touch. It was a very elegant book. Beginning to become more curious he flipped the book over to see if it had a name on it. On the back of this precious book there was some gold lettering that the etched out a name, the owner's name, Draco Malfoy.

TBC

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Author's Note:

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	5. No More Pain

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Author's Note: WARNING!!! Violence, rape, and some sickness.

Chapter 5

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No More Pain

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Shit!! How in the fuck… Then it had dawned on Harry what the answer was. _Potions. I must have grabbed this on my way out._ Harry's mind was swarmed with over a million different thoughts about the diary and what to do with it and how Draco must feel right now, but only one thought really suck out in his mind; _read it._

Harry ran his fingers over the golden lettering and was trying to decide on whether to read it or not. _ Well I really shouldn't read it. But what he doesn't know can't hurt him and besides maybe I can find out who the **real Draco Malfoy** is. Plus maybe I can find out how to act around him. It's worth a shot._

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Harry threw his shirt off it was making him uncomfortable and then laid down onto his bed. Harry flipped the book over and hesitantly he opened it. He looked down at the fine hand writing and read:

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Dec 25, 1991

I don't really understand why I am writing to you, I guess it's because father bought you for me and expects me to use you. I so guess I should start from the beginning and tell you all about me. My name is Draco Malfoy and I am a wizard, a pure blood wizard at that too. Not that it really matters to me, but it does to my mother and father. My father is dark wizard, he's a death eater for Voldemort and my mother fully supports Voldemort also. Me on the other hand, I think the guy is off his rocker, I mean come on he wants to kill everyone who's not a pure blood BUT HE'S NOT EVEN A PURE BLOOD!!!

Since my father is a death eater that means he wants me to be one also, which I have no intention or ever doing. I've seen what it has done to father, what it has made him into and there is no way that I ever want that kind of stuff to happen to me or my future family. I don't want my future family to be ripped apart like this. Oh yeah back to my point, since he's a death eater he has been making me practice the dark arts all of my life. I know a lot of very powerful spells that father says I shouldn't let anyone know that I know what they are, let alone that I know exactly how to do them.

Anyway, I am a first year at Hogwarts (the wizard school) and I am in Slytherin, not like that was a big surprise everyone in my family was in Slytherin. I only have four friends everyone else dislikes me, no surprise there considering who my father is, but they are Crabbe, Goyle, Blaise, and Pansy. Crabbe and Goyle are rather dumb, but they are loyal and I can depend on them. Not to mention they'll beat up anyone I want them to! Blaise, well he's just a perv and likes to talk about sex and stuff, which is quite amusing to hear him tell all of his stories. Pansy is nice until you cross her, and then she's just flat out a bitch. Plus not to mention she just, let me put it this way paybacks a bitch. My favourite class is potions, probably because father has shown me that potions can be more deadly than most magic. Plus if you do hurt someone with a potion they can't trace it back to the originator as well as they can with wand magic.

The funniest thing happened about two days ago!! Father tried to explain to me what the birds and the bees are!! I sat there patiently waiting for him to finish, even though I already know everything he was trying to tell me, mainly because of what all Blaise has told me. But, I learned long ago not to back talk father, or interrupt him, or try and act like I know more than him, or disobey him in anyway. If I do, well then I get punished. You know stuff like getting beat until I can't move or him putting an unforgivable on me. Stuff that hurts so I'll know not to do it again.

I believe, actually I know I had the worst punishment after not making Harry Potter my friend. Father was very upset with me, needless to say I was punished with the Crucio for a while and then later he just beat me. Father told me that I should have been firmer towards Harry and told him whose boss. But I think I should have been nicer to him. I mean, he didn't even know anything about his life and all of us did. He was probably nervous or something, I know I would have been. I mean one day your just an average muggle, the next day you're a famous wizard for something you don't even remember.

Father says that I need to make his life a living hell, since he turned down my friendship. I honestly think that the more I try to make his life suck, it turns out being better and my life is the one that gets worse. But every time I even get near Harry, whether I'm going to say something bad or not that stupid Weasley brat gets in the way and starts acting like a complete fool. In one of my attempts to make his life worse, he ended up becoming Seeker for the Gryffindor Quidditch team!

Oh yes, I almost forgot! It's CHRISTMAS!!!! I just love this holiday, it's my favourite. I just love the snow and making snow angels and the hot coco and stuff, but mostly I love the presents!! I could never let father know that the snow and all of the Christmas things makes me happy or that I like Christmas holiday otherwise he would make it the worst holiday ever for me. He doesn't believe that I should let any of my emotions show whether they're happy, sad, angry, jealous, love, anything. He says that showing your emotions is a weakness. He says that it would be better if I just didn't have any emotions what so ever. But I don't think I could do that, I mean how could you go though life without **feeling **anything?

Anyway, father bought me you, and some new robes for school, some new books, a potions set with dark arts stuff, and of course a lot of dark arts things. He said that he had another gift for me, but that it wasn't ready yet and that it should be ready either by tonight or tomorrow. Well there isn't much else to say so….

Talk later,

Draco Malfoy

Harry stared down at the page in front of him. _Well that didn't **really** answer any questions I had about him. Well besides that he's not allowed to show any emotion, but I could have figured that one out. Since I've already started I might as well just read it…. I mean one more page can't hurt. _Harry with his mind made up turned the page.

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Dec 30, 1991

As I said last time father had a gift he wanted to give to me…well he gave it to me and quite frankly I wish he didn't. To put it nicely, I absolutely hated it. Every little thing about it, I hate. There's not one good thing that came out of it, I didn't like anything about it. I mean an old raggedy shoe would have been better than this. To me, I felt like it wasn't really a gift but more like another sick twisted punishment.

If your wondering what it is I guess I'll just flat out say it. Father made me do that thing with him, the whole birds and bees thing, you know sex. Well yeah, he made me do that with him and I hated it. Merry Christmas to me!! What fun I'm having, NOT!!! I don't think Christmas will ever be the same again, it just can't be the same now…not after this, there's no way that it could be. There are a couple of things that are just wrong, first off it doesn't bother me so much that he's a guy cuz I found out a while ago, okay maybe about two months ago that I like both guys and girls, but the thing that bothers me is that he's my FATHER!!!!

What kind of father does this? I mean he told me that he loved me…well obviously he doesn't, if he wants to cause me to have so much pain. If you loved someone who wouldn't do this to them, would you? I have been waiting…waiting to wake up from this horrible dream. I just wish I could wake up and everything be the same again. I never imagined that this could happen. Thankfully that there isn't much left of Christmas break. Well at least I do know that I can talk to one person about this, my godfather. He'll help me, he'll get me out of here, I hope…I pray.

Aside from him having sex with me he has also decided to lock me in my room, so I can't leave unless he wants me too. So I spend every day locked up in this room, I hate this. If this is how sex is supposed to be, well then I don't know if I ever really want to ever have sex again. Quite frankly I don't think what father is making me do, well I don't consider it sex. I mean, trust me there is no way shape or form that I like this and I want to do it again. I mean I very much disliked it, when father made me have sex with him. I mean he seemed to like it and he was enjoying himself but it just hurts like hell for me.

Ever since then he has been coming into my room in the middle of the night, every night. I asked father if mother knew about what he was doing, and he just yelled at me. He told me that if I would even breathe one word of this to mother then I was as good as dead.

SHIT, I can hear him at my door, you know unlocking it.

Talk later,

Dra

And then the rest of his name was unfinished and the ink was smeared across the page. It looked as though he had just thrown the book aside not even bothering to finish it or even look at it. It looked like he had tried to hide it or something.

"Holy fucking shit!" Harry whispered to himself. _I…I can't believe this. This has got to be some kind of a sick joke or something. I mean that…. This couldn't have happened to him of all people. There's no way that this could be real._

Harry closed the black book and laid it down in front of him. He knew that he really shouldn't read any more of the diary. But he knew that he had to find out more about Draco's childhood, his past. He picked the book back up and skimmed through the pages and stop when he reached the centre of the book.

_August 22, 1994_

Thank god that the summer is almost over, I don't know if I can take this stuff for very much longer. Soon I will be returning as a 4th year to Hogwarts. That place is my saviour from this hellhole I am forced to call home. After all that has happened between father and me I just…I just hate him. I just don't get it. Why? Why does he do this? Even if he is going to rape me, he doesn't have to do it every single night does he? I don't know if I have gotten one full night of sleep without him coming into my room and fucking me.

Even now when I am away from this place, I still have the nightmares of it. It's like the pain follows me wherever I may go. So even when I'm safe, even when I know he can't touch me, I'm still scared of him. Almost every night I wake up from a nightmare and I usually can't get back to sleep. But then again why would I want to go back to sleep? If all am going to do is dream. I just hate the pain of it all, not just the physical pain of him beating me but also the mental pain of knowing that he's only doing this because he knows I'll never tell anyone. He says I have too much pride to let anyone know that I am hurting, and he's right.

All of this stuff that Father has done has just made me feel isolated, alone. I don't think one person is the school knows what I'm going through; at least I hope no one is going through what I'm going through. No matter how much I may want to tell my friends, I know that I can't. They just wouldn't understand what it's like, to be so different from every one else. To have some kind of horrible secret that you can't tell anyone about. It's frustrating to know that they don't have pain like how I have pain. I feel as though I'm losing my mind. Then again, I pray I hope that no one in my school is going through what I'm going through. If they are I hope that they are dealing with it better than me. My head if just so fucked up from this. I haven't been able to think clearly for a long time. The only place where I am somewhat normal is back at Hogwarts.

But I've had enough, I'm tired of it, I decided last night that I'm going to fight back. This stuff has been going on for almost three years and I'm sick of it. So last night I fought him. All he ended up doing was punching me a couple of times and then just beat me an inch from death. By the time he was done beating me, I couldn't even pick myself up off the floor. So father picked me up and put me in my bed and did what he came for to begin with.

So of course today I hurt like hell. I've got bruises and cuts and stuff all over. It hurts me just to write in you, but I have to write to you. You're the only thing I can talk to about this. I mean I can't tell Crabbe or Goyle, I mean they wouldn't understand, but you. You can't talk back at me argue with me, all you can do is listen to me.

This crap has just made me hate my father more than what I did to begin with. But the thing is I hate myself more than I hate him. I mean I'm the one who lets him do this to me. Not any more, I don't care if father does beat me half to death at least then I'll know I didn't let him do this. At least then I would know that I tried to keep him away. At least then I'll know that this isn't my fault, and that maybe some of the pain will go away.

I mean is it so bad that I just want it all to stop? Is it wrong that I want it to end? Is it wrong that I just wish that I could live a normal life just for one day? I mean everyone around me is just so happy and cheerful, but I know I could never be like that. I try, but sometimes trying just isn't good enough. I want to be someone else, anyone else. Just as long as all of the pain would just leave me alone. I mean it doesn't matter what I do, I always just have this weight on my shoulders. It's just like I'm carrying on, even though there is nothing to carry on for. Sometimes I just wish I could die. At least then he could touch me, he couldn't treat me the way he does. Death, it just seems like the answer. The answer to all of my problems, if I could just reach out to death, if I could just die…then just maybe I could be happy, truly happy. And I haven't been happy in a very long time. I just wish that I could kill myself, but I know that I won't. I mean I'm too big of a chicken to actually hurt myself, even though I wish I could everyday.

I think my friends are starting to catch on. I mean they can tell something just isn't right with me. Pansy is always writing me and asking how I am, and saying that everything will be okay. But how could she say that, if she doesn't even know what's going on? Before the end of third year Blaise was actually talking to me in a serious way. Which I'd never seen him like that before. He told me that every time he looks into my eyes it looks like I'm lost. It looks like I'm longing for something. I almost told him, but I stopped myself. I don't need my friends worrying over me any more than what they already do.

I know I don't know a lot of things but there is one thing I am sure I can count on. Hogwarts. As soon as get on that train, as soon as I'm out of this hellhole, I know I'll be safe. I'll be away from him, even if I know once Christmas is hear I have to go back. But for then I would be away from the pain and crying and everything. As soon as I get to Hogwarts everything will be okay, even if it only last for a little while.

Talk Later,

Draco

_I really hope he doesn't think death is the answer now. I mean he could talk to somebody about this, I mean he can't keep this to himself. If he does, he'll just drive himself mad. I mean he could talk to me, even though I know I'm the last person in the world he would ever want to talk to. But still, I'd being willing just to hear him out, just to let him get this off of his chest. I just can't believe that Hogwarts is his saviour too. The only difference is that I'm not really in any danger with the Dursleys. I mean it's getting harder for Dudley to beat me up now, now that I myself am stronger and can take him on. But over half the time they don't even really acknowledge that I am alive. They just pretend that I'm not even there, or if they don't acknowledge me they act as though I'm so stupid that I can't understand what they are saying about me._

Harry heard the door to his dorm shut; he looked up and saw Seamus and Dean walk into the room and head for their beds to go to sleep. Seamus looked over at Harry, who was lying on his own bed with the book in his lap, and called out to the raven-haired boy, "Night Harry."

"Night."

Harry had decided to read on…_I mean if I've already read some of it I might as well just keep reading. I mean Draco is going to be furious with me either way. But I just end to know more about him and what all has happened, that way maybe I could convince him to talk to me._ With that last thought Harry turned the page and continued reading.

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August 30, 1994

He came again last night, not that it was a big surprise or anything. I mean he comes every night it's not like it's anything new. But I had a plan and I think my plan worked too. I took that muggle thing; um I think it's called a camera. I set it up in my room so that it could film what Father does to me. How father treats me when no one is looking. How he beats me, puts curses on me, how he…how he rapes me.

But now I have it on tape, now I have proof that he really does do this. But I still can't show anyone. They still wouldn't understand it. They still would think I was weak or that I am letting him do this to me somehow. I know how people are, they question everything, and I doubt that they would think that it's real. They would think that I made it all up somehow. That I'm just some attention seeking kid. But I'm not, all I want is justice. I want my father to feel pain like how he has made me feel for over the last couple of years.

I didn't film this for those people though. The only reason why I even set the camera up, the only reason why I filmed it is because I was trying to prove to myself that it's real, that it wasn't just some horrible nightmare. I think that it makes it more real in my mind by seeing on this. I think that it is implanted in my brain now that this is real, this is my life, this is what's going on whether you want to except it or not, it still is happening. That this way I could at least conceive that it is real and that I am going to have to deal with this, that somehow I need to make it stop.

Somehow, and I have no clue how I did it, but I got it transferred on to a moving picture. So it's like your watching a movie (a really bad movie) through the picture. I can't really explain how I've done this so I've just taped it below. It's just so disgusting, I don't know if I'll ever be able to look at this page again. It just depresses me every time I even glance down at the thing.

That's all for now,

Talk later,

Draco

Harry glanced down at the small but vivid picture. Lucius had his wand out and it was pointed down at Draco, who was lying on the floor in pool of his own blood. Draco looked up at his father tears were burning down the boy's cheeks. Lucius lowered his wand and grabbed his cane. He raised it high over his head and brought it down so hardly that it made a huge gash in Draco's already bruised side.

Draco let out a small moan of pain along with many new tears streaming down his face. He looked up at the man in front of him, he winced away he looked as though he were frighten of what his father was about to do. Lucius bent down and tried to pick the boy up off of the floor. But Draco just kicked at his father; his foot came into contact with his fathers jaw, making his father back away from him.

Lucius walked back over towards Draco this time just grabbing Draco by the neck. He picked the boy up off the floor and made him stand up. Lucius punched Draco in the jaw making the boy stumble backwards. Draco then lunged himself at his father causing his father to lose his balance and fall. Draco started to hit his father repeatedly. Lucius just laid there and laughed at his son. Lucius shoved Draco off of him. Lucius stood up and looked down at the boy. Draco stood himself up and started to look into his father's eyes. Lucius shoved Draco hard causing him to hit his desk and fall once again down on to the floor.

Lucius grabbed his wand once again and pointed it down at the blonde boy lying on the floor. Draco started to back himself up against the desk, trying to put as much distance as he could in-between him and his father. A small grin appeared on Lucius' face, it looked as though he was amused that his son was frightened of him. The word "Crucio" came from the older man's lips. But soon after a new sound came out into the room, Draco's screams. Draco's body was twitching and shaking, tears started to roll down his cheeks, his eyes then started to roll back in his head, his screams were starting to become hoarse from all of the yelling he had done, little cuts started to appear on Draco's arms, legs and back because his skin was starting to rip and this just caused him to scream even louder. Harry cringed at the sight of Draco in so much pain and misery.

Lucius took the unforgivable off of the boy. Draco laid their panting and gasping for air while trying to will his brain back to functioning again. Lucius bent down to pick Draco up again, but this time Draco didn't have the strength or the energy to fight his father off any longer. Lucius laid Draco down onto the bed. Then Lucius himself climbed up into Draco's bed.

The older man grabbed a potion from the bedside table and brought it up to the smaller boy's lips. Draco started to take the potion and his cuts and bruises were already starting to disappear off of his skin. After Draco finished the potion Lucius took the empty vial and laid it back down on the small table.

"You know, it would be so much easier on you if you would just stop trying to fight me off." Lucius whispered into the silent room as he started to remove Draco's clothing. Draco looked up at his father, his eyes seemed different to Harry. They had emotion in them he looked scared and lost.

Harry could hear someone shuffling their feet towards him. He looked up and saw Ron heading over to him. Harry slammed the rather large black book shut.

"Hey Harry? What's that you're reading?" Ron questioned with an eyebrow raised.

"This? It's…um… a um… potions textbook." Harry stammered hoping that Ron would just buy the lie and not ask any more questions.

"Okay? Well just don't turn in to another Hermione on me. I don't know what I would do if there were two people after me to read and do my homework." Ron joked. Harry let out a breath he didn't know that he was holding. He knew that Ron didn't believe him about the whole potions textbook thing, but he was glad that Ron just let the subject drop. "Anyway, I'm off to bed and you should turn in soon too. Remember we have potions _again_ first thing in the morning and we don't want to fall asleep and give Snape another reason to take points from us."

"Alright, alright I go to bed soon. Night, Ron."

Harry watched the red headed boy cross the room and climb into his own bed. Harry opened the book up once again. This time deciding to read the last couple of pages to find out what Draco had been thinking about most recently.

_Oct 19, 1996_

I've finally come up with a way to get rid of the pain that I feel while I'm at school. I just fuck the pain away. Let me explain. Two weeks ago I came up with the idea and it worked. So two weeks ago I asked Pansy out. Since just about everyone knows, well any guy that is in Slytherin knows that Pansy…well… she's kinda a slut. She'll sleep with anyone. So every night I fuck her.

I know it sounds dumb, but it works. Every time that I sleep with her, all the pain goes away. I know that it's only gone for a while, but it's still gone. I just do it so that I can just have that little bit of time to myself…just a little bit of time when the pain fads away, so that I can just be me. When I'm with her I don't have to remember the things that happen at home. It's just my way of getting rid of everything. All the pain. I know it's dumb. Oh well.

But the scariest thing did happen not to long ago. Actually it was two nights ago. But when I was fucking Pansy I was thinking of someone else. Someone who I had never really thought of in that way. But I do have to admit; he's not really all that bad looking. It's just so odd. I don't know why I thought of him, but I did and I liked thinking of him while I was with her. But there is no chance in hell I would ever have a shot at him. I mean lord knows he's probably already fucking the mud blood or Weasley, which ever he likes more.

I don't know I'll be able to sleep with her much longer anyway. Because last night she completely freaked out on me. I mean she lost it…she started to cry and scream and stuff and was pointing at me like I was some kind of I don't know like an alien or something. At first I didn't understand what was wrong. But then when she pointed at my back I understood what was wrong.

See since now that I fight my father of course he fights back. So on my back I have these scars. Some are were his nails dug into my skin to deep, others are from him throwing me up against things like corners of desks and stuff, some are from the Crucio curse because sometimes when he cast that spell, it's so strong that my skin rips a part, and a few…they're the worst one's to me they are from his cane. After I'm already beat and I can't move, he'll take that damned thing and strike my back with it as hard as he can. I only have two scars from it one is on my neck because he was trying to hit my head but missed and the other one is on my side and I think it just looks flat out I don't know, twice as bad as any of the others.

When she started to ask me what they were from I told her they were from Quidditch. I told her that I fall off my broom a lot and that the landings are not exactly pretty or graceful. She didn't say anything, but I don't think she believed me. But I mean what else was I supposed to tell her. "Oh yeah well my dad has just been raping and beating me since I was 11." Then she would definitely freak out on me and start to act all motherly.

There has been this rumour going around about how Harry, has these horrible nightmares. I heard that he'll be sleeping and then all of a sudden he'll be screaming to the top of his lungs you know calling out for his godfather and stuff and how he'll like start twitching and stuff. It sounds kinda scary, I mean I have nightmares, but the way his sound they just sound like hell. I also heard something like his mind and Voldemort are connected. So like Harry can read his mind and stuff. That just kinda weird. I feel bad for the kid I mean, his parents are dead, now his godfather is dead, I mean who's next? And then when he does fall asleep he has to watch what that sick fuck does to people. It's like the boy has some kind of curse on him like if he ever loves anyone, they'll die. But in the meantime he gets nightmares.

Anyway it's time for me to go meet up with Pansy, I need her to get me some potion ingredients outside in the dark forest and I need also to fuck my problems away. Hehe. Oh yeah I almost forgot, tomorrow Slytherin plays Gryffindor!!! Not that it will be a big surprise or anything on who will win. I mean come Potter never loses; he's just the best there is.

I'll write later,

Draco

_Well, that certainly answered some questions. Why in the hell is he thinking of me while he's shagging Pansy? Well, I've thought about him like that too…He's right. I do have a lot of pain, but not nearly as much as what he has. There is no way that mine could ever be as bad as his… So this was Friday night and that's why he was in the Entrance Hall!_ Harry turned to the next page, the last page in the book with writing on it.__

Oct 21, 1996

Well as usual Slytherin lost, no big surprise there. But something else happened, it was really weird too. Well yesterday I wasn't really into the game, I didn't really want to play or anything so I just followed Harry around to make it look like I was really playing. But of course he doesn't like it when people follow him around so Potter pulled some dive trick on me and I fell for it.

Of course my anger got the better side of me, so I attacked him. Not exactly the smartest thing in the world to do. But when we were beating each other up, and Potter got a hard on. The next thing I knew I was rubbing my leg up against him and he started to moan. I don't know what was wrong with me. But for some reason I really wanted to make him moan. His moan was just so… I don't know how to describe it but it just made me want to make him cum in his pants. It's just kinda odd.

But then he started to thrust himself up against me, it just felt so good and it felt right. Not that I would admit this to anyone but when he started to thrust up against me I kinda started to get turned on by him. I have no clue what that was about. Not that I'm complaining. I mean he is the hottest guy in the school, if only he would just take off those silly glasses. If I was with him those would be the first things to go, along with most of his clothes. Hmm… There's a thought. Harry without his clothes on… that would be a nice sight. Hehe.

I think it pretty much solves it…I guess I have a crush on the Scar-Head. Oh well not much I can do about, well besides helping Potter with his way of relieving stress. Hehehe. It seems to me that he doesn't do that enough, otherwise what happened on the Quidditch Pitch never would have happened. Well unless, he likes me back in that way. But that's just nuts. But maybe then again maybe he's gay or bi too. Heck just about everyone in the school thinks I'm one of the straightest guys, but really I'm gayer than I am straight.

And to think Potter made me promise I wouldn't tell any body. Heck I'm the one who was rubbing up against him. I'm the one who was trying to make him moan out. I'm the one who wanted nothing more than just to shag him right there on the field. Plus, I did kind of slip up yesterday when we were in the hospital. I um well I kissed him, but the thing that shocked me was that he was kissing me back too! If Professor Snape hadn't interrupted us, I probably would have tried to take it further. Well I guess there's nothing else to say really besides the fact that all I want to do is shag Harry Potter senseless.

Talk Later,

Draco

Harry couldn't help but blush. Draco liked him. _That's very interesting. I can't believe that he likes me like that. I never would have even guessed it if the whole kissing thing didn't happen. But now…I mean what am I supposed to say to him now? He likes me and I like him I guess I should just go for him and let him shag me like he seems to want to do so badly. Then again, maybe I could shag him._

Harry took his pants off and tossed them onto the floor next to him. He took off his glass and laid both the book and his glasses on his bedside table and then closed the curtains that surrounded his bed. He felt tired and he knew that he need to go to sleep, otherwise he would be falling asleep in potions. He stared up not really seeing anything, and let his mind wonder towards thoughts of a certain Slytherin before drifting off to sleep.

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Author's Note: I know, I know the whole thing about Draco and his dad is very very sick. But still review and tell me just how sick and wrong you think I am.


	6. Why?

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Author's Note: For all the American's reading this story…HAPPY 4th OF JULY!!!! I think my next chapter should be out, either Thursday, Friday, or Saturday. It just depends on which ever day I have it done by. Anyway, Enjoy!

Chapter Six

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Why?

Draco grabbed Harry and pulled him closer to himself. Soft pale pink lips brushed against needing red full lips. Draco's hands started to wander over Harry's fine cut body. Draco ripped Harry's tight sleep shirt off of him and rolled on top of him. Draco looked at the Gryffindor who laid beneath him causing the Gryffindor's cheeks to turn a slight tint of pink. He bent down to claim the raven-haired beauty's lips once again.

Harry thought that Draco was moving much to slowly for his pace. Harry turned the two of them over. Emerald green eyes met silver eyes; the emerald-eyed boy brushed his lips against the silver-eyed boy. Draco grabbed Harry's neck and pulled him closer to him, deepening their kiss. As their tongues rolled against each other's they could a slight tremor go though their bodies.

Draco glided his palm across Harry's abdomens. The Slytherin shoved his hand down the Gryffindor's pants easily finding exactly what he wanted; Harry became hard to the touch of Draco. Harry moaned into Draco's mouth as Draco massaged his hand up and down Harry's not-so-little-one. A wicked smile appeared on the blonde boy's face as the raven-haired boy started to thrust up against him. As Harry started to weaken, Draco flipped himself up on top of Harry, once again.

The Slytherin boy grabbed the Gryffindor's pants and pulled them off as well. Draco went up towards Harry's face and once again capturing in a death-deifying kiss. Keeping his hand still stroking Harry he started to kiss Harry's neck, causing him to make this noise that drove Draco wild. Draco made his way lower on Harry causing Harry to become more and more excited. Harry could feel Draco flick his tongue across his nipple. He could feel the blonde going further even yet. Harry could feel his mouth growing dry as Draco pressed on.

Draco licked the tip of Harry's cock causing Harry to become restless; he wanted more of Draco. With one swift movement Draco took the entire length of Harry into his mouth thus causing Harry to throw his head back in ecstasy. Harry started to thrust himself up into Draco's mouth. Draco grabbed Harry's hips holding them down so Harry couldn't thrust into him. Purposely Draco sucked on Harry so slowly that it was excruciating. It was fast enough to keep hard but wasn't fast enough or hard enough for him to come. Harry wrapped his fingers into Draco fine soft blonde hair. He started to push Draco's head downward; he wanted Draco to go faster he needed him to go faster.

Harry woke with a start. He sat up in his bed he noticed that he was panting and he was also covered in a faint layer of sweat. _What a dream…to bad that wasn't real…that would have been great. I mean I would love to actually be with him and according to his little diary he wants to be with me too. Well, that is until he finds out that I've read it. _It was then when Harry also noticed that he still had a reminder of his dream and he decided to go to the bathroom and deal with it in privacy.

When he returned to his dorm and lay down, he knew there was no way he was going to be able to fall back asleep. Harry decided to take a walk by the lake. He pulled his clothes on and looked down at clock; it read 6:30. He figured he would probably be out there for a while so he grabbed his book bag and his books and headed for the door. He heard a mummer behind him and snapped his head in the direction it came from. It was Seamus, and he was just talking in his sleep again.

As Harry made his way out towards the lake he had a feeling that someone or something was watching him. He just shook it off; he figured that it was probably just lack of sleep or something. He opened the front doors and walked outside; the fresh fall air felt good against his skin. He took a deep breath and headed in the direction of the lake.

In the distance he noticed a figure sitting down in the grass beside the lake. As he made his way closer he noticed that it was a certain Slytherin that he had been dreaming of only moments before. As Harry became closer to the boy, he started to become more nervous. Harry threw himself down on the ground next to Draco. The Slytherin looked up at Harry. Harry noticed Draco's appearance, his were blood shot and looked as though he had been crying, he had bags underneath his eyes, and he looked a little jumpy and sickly. Harry figured that he mustn't have slept.

"Potter."

"Malfoy."

"What are you doing out here so early, scar-head? It seems like most of the time you barely wake up in time for class." Draco said lazily.

He's right…I'm never usually up this early. Well, unless it's for Quidditch practice or Christmas morning. "I don't know…I guess it's because I had an odd dream and I couldn't fall back asleep so I decided to take a walk. Why are you out here?"

"I…um…Well, I lost something yesterday and I can't find it."

"So you came out here looking for it?"

"No…I came out here to think. I'm trying to remember the last place I had it."

"Ooohhh…Well what is it? I might have seen it."

"Like I'm going to tell you. And why would you have seen something that would belong to me?"

"I don't know…I was just trying to be helpful." Harry started to pick at the grass. He hated the silence; it always made him so uncomfortable. Harry took a quick glance up at Draco and notice that he was staring at him.

"Potter…" Harry looked up at Draco; he saw something in his eyes that he had never seen before. He saw Draco hurting.

"Yeah, Draco?"

"Well…I know that you haven't seen it or anything, so I don't know why I am telling you this. But yesterday I lost a book."

"A book?"

"Yes."

"What kind of book?" He decided to keep questioning Draco even though he already knew exactly what the blonde Slytherin was looking for.

"It's um…black and it has my name printed in gold on the back of it. Oh all right, don't look at me like that it's a journal. Okay?"

"Okay, and why are you so worried about then? I am it's just a journal…and if you did lose it. I mean it's not like your friends don't already know what's in it."

"Actually Potter, I like to keep my private life to myself. So no, my friends don't know what's in their and I hope that it stays that way."

Harry suddenly felt guilt for reading it. _I really shouldn't have done that. I mean he is going to be so pissed off at me. But then again…he needs somebody to know, he can't keep it all inside. If he does he'll drive himself nuts. He needs to let it out._ Harry couldn't believe what he was about to do but he knew he needed to do it, otherwise Draco _would_ go insane.

"Hey Draco…" Silver worried eyes looked up and met Emerald green uncertain eyes. "Well…. I…um…I do know where your book is."

Draco sat straight up. "What!?! Where is it? Who has it? How did they get it? Did they read it?"

Harry reached around and grabbed his bag. He opened it up and started to go through it. He took the journal out and handed back to its owner. There it was in his hands, right back in his hands, right where it belongs. Draco looked up at Harry and noticed an uncertainty in his gaze towards him.

"Harry?" Harry started to avoid his eyes. "You read it, didn't you?"

"I… well… I… um, it's just that…"

"WHY?? Why would you read something that isn't yours! When it clearly has someone else's name on it? WHY? WHY, HARRY?" Draco's face started to pale even more if that was possible, it looked as though he were going to be sick. He just looked so vulnerable. Draco looked up at Harry; if looks could kill Harry would have been dead a hundred times over.

"Draco…it's just…actually I have no clue why I read it. It's just that your such mystery to me…I wanted to find out more about you." Draco let out a loud sigh.

"Yeah well, we don't exactly have enough time to talk about it right now. We need to talk. How about tomorrow?"

"Can't, I have Quidditch Practice. What about the day after?"

"No because then I have Quidditch Practice. What about Halloween? I mean nobody as Quidditch or anything…"

"Yeah okay, um meet me here after the feast."

"Okay. Well, we need to head up to the Great Hall for breakfast. Otherwise we'll miss it. Trust me my house will notice if I don't come in and eat. Unlike you, I'm always able to come to breakfast; I make sure I get up earlier enough."

"I don't think we should walk in together…that would raise a few eyebrows."

"Yeah, you go head. I need to stay out here and think for a couple more minutes."

Harry started to walk back up towards the Hogwarts Castle. He took a look back at the blonde Slytherin boy sitting in the grass. _He just looks so depressed. I really hope it's just because he didn't sleep any. I hope he doesn't plan on doing anything stupid._

As Harry entered the Great Hall he noticed that there weren't to many people in there at that time in the morning. Only the Ravenclaw table had over half of its students. Harry headed over towards his own table. He only noticed two familiar happy smiling faces, Hermione and Ginny. He took a seat next to the bushy haired girl. She looked over at him and started to question.

"Harry, why are you up so early? Did you have another nightmare? Are you feeling okay, you look kind of sick?"

"Hermione…I'm fine. I just could sleep. No need to worry."

Hermione gave him a stern look but let the matter drop. She turned her head back towards Ginny and started to talk with her once again. Harry started to eat a little bit of toast, but he really didn't have an appetite. He only ate to keep the girls off of him. Harry heard someone entering the Great Hall. It was Draco. He looked cool and calm just as always. He didn't look a thing like he just did outside. Draco noticed Harry was looking at him by he didn't pay him any attention; he just turned his head and walked over towards the Slytherin table.

Harry just sat there at the table daydreaming about Draco, about his life, about how he wanted his life, and about Sirius. He hadn't thought of him in a long time. But every time he did he started to cry because he still blamed himself, then he would grow angry because he missed him and it wasn't fair that he had to die. _Every one dies. Well, everyone I love anyway._ Harry could feel himself start to grow bitter and hate the world so he excused himself and left the Great Hall.

He didn't know where he was going but somehow he found himself in the Potions classroom. It was empty and he was thankful for that. Harry walked over towards his potions desk. Harry crawled under it, pulled his knees up to his chin, covered his face with his hands and cried.

Bqbqbqbqbqbqbqbq

He walked into the classroom, and there on the floor is a sight he never thought he would see. There in the floor was a raven-haired boy curled up into a ball; and he was crying his emerald green eyes out. _But why? Why is he crying? I mean I always figured that he does but why hear? _The man's expression softened at the boy. He reminded him of someone, but he couldn't point out exactly who. Seeing Harry cry was just torture and for some reason he felt as though he had to do something about it. He had to talk to the Gryffindor. _But what to say to him?_

The man walked closer towards the crying boy. He bent down and placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. Harry snapped straight up to see who was touching him. His expression grew surprised and scared.

"Calm yourself, Mr. Potter." Professor Snape tried to say as soothingly as he could. "Come. Get yourself up off of the floor." He said as he held a hand out for Harry to grab. Harry took his hand wearily. Harry sat down on his chair and looked up at his Professor. Snape didn't look like he hated Harry; no in fact it looked as though he looked sorry for him. That's another thing that always got to Harry. He hated it when people felt sorry for him. But the way Snape was looking at him was different from others. He looked like he really did care. _But why? Why, would all of a sudden he care about me? Let me guess it's because I was crying. Well, I don't need you to feel sorry for me. There are plenty of others you can feel sorry for. I'm not a baby, I can take the pain. I have to, if I don't then we all fail. And I won't let you all die just because I think life is unfair. I can't. I can't let everyone down. I was the chosen one. I can't let everyone down, not yet, not now, not ever._

The second I let my guard down that will be the second I have to fight. That will be the moment when everyone's life is in my hand. And if I drop the ball, if I let my guard down and I get killed. Then that will be the same moment that I have just signed over every other person's life. I have to stay strong. I have too. But I just wish that you were here with me Sirius. You could help me. I miss you, I just wish I could have gotten to tell you goodbye. Just so I could have an ending. Because with out you, I don't want to carry on. All I want to do is die. But the only thing I can do is cry. But why? Why did you have to die? Why did I have to go there? It's my fault that you're gone.

It has always been my fault. That's why you're dead, why Cedric's dead, why my mum and dad are dead. I can't love anyone. If I ever get to close…then people start to get hurt. But why? Why can't I just have Ron's life? Why can't I just have one day of happiness without something bad happening? Why can't I get close to anyone? Why do I have to be stuck here without anyone who understands me? Why?

Harry started to get lost in his little world of thought once more. Snape just sat and watched the pained expression on the young boy's face. You could tell that he was having an inward battle with himself. Snape could see in his eyes how lost he was, how upset he was, how everything seemed to be falling apart. Snape was watching the boy suffer, wishing that there was some way that he could somehow reach the young Gryffindor. But he just didn't know what to say. Harry's eyes started to water up once again. _He must be thinking of Sirius. Sirius you fool, why did you go. I know he's your godfather and you wanted to help but look at what you've done to him. You said you wanted to go so that you could be there for him, well guess what you really messed that up. Because he needs you now and you're not here, and you can't be here! If you can, JUST LOOK AT HIM!!! Look at what you've done to him._

Look at all of the pain that you've caused him, you selfish brat. You may have said that you only wanted to go because he's your godson, but I know the truth. You were being selfish, you wanted to get out of the house, you wanted to help the Order, you wanted to help Harry, all you really wanted to do is fight and avenge James. You treated Harry liked he was James. But he wasn't James, Sirius. Harry is weaker whether you wanted to believe it or not. Harry feels for people, that's his downfall. Harry cries, Harry feels, Harry lives like a normal person. He wasn't tough and arrogant like you and James.

Snape looked back up at the raven-haired boy. Tears were now burning their way back down his cheeks. He checked his watch. Soon students would be arriving. He couldn't let them see Harry so vulnerable, especially the other Gryffindors. The Slytherins can handle it, because they are all going through similar things with their parents. They would understand him, but not the goody-goody Gryffindors and their perfect little lives.

"Mr. Potter, you might want to dry your eyes your classmates will be arriving soon." Snape said gently. Harry looked up at his potions master. He dried his eyes and pulled himself together. "You know, you'll pull through. You'll see everything will be okay."

As though right on cue Slytherins and Gryffindors started to enter the room. Draco walked in and took a seat next to Harry. He looked over at the Gryffindor. Something was wrong. He knew it, he could feel it. I'd find out somehow.

After everyone had taken their seats and sat down, Professor Snape slammed the door. "Now class. Settle down or I will have to take points from Gryffindor." A sudden out burst came from some disagreeing Gryffindors. "Five points from Gryffindor. Now take my warning or more will be taken. Now we will be continuing with the Polyjuice Potion. I have your potions on my desk. Come up to my desk if you want them returned. Take them after I approve them. You will transform into your partner if you've done everything correctly. If something goes wrong, I will fail you for this lesson. All right get started."

Draco looked over at Harry once again and decided that he should go and get their potions instead of bothering him. Draco headed up towards his Professor's desk. "Ah, Mr. Malfoy. Yours and Mr. Potter's potions are cleared. They seem to be correct." Draco headed back over towards Harry. He sat the glasses down in front of him.

"Okay, come on Potter what's wrong?" Draco asked sincerely.

"Nothing, Malfoy." Harry said shortly. "Let's just take the potion." Draco held his glass up and snickered, "Cheers!"

The potion was just as he remembered it, horrible. He could feel himself starting to gag. His stomach started to swarm. As much as he tried to stay standing it didn't work. He fell to his knees, panting for air. His body went cold, then burning hot. It felt as if he had just poured scalding hot water on himself. He could feel his body changing. He felt his legs and arms go longer, his body frame becoming smaller, his fingers became skinnier and longer. He could feel his chin starting to grow narrower and his hair started to go further down his forehead. He closed his eyes because it started to hurt. When he opened them he couldn't see right. Then he remembered that his glasses were still on. He took his glasses off and looked over at Draco. He was squinting, Harry handed his glasses over to him. He put them on and then looked up at Harry in shock.

As Harry looked at himself, he noticed that he was a very good-looking guy. But Draco was right; he did need to lose the glasses. Draco reached out and touched Harry's face.

"My, my, my. I am very attractive." Draco joked.

"As am I," Harry replied.

Draco started to look at his new body. It was different, but he felt comfortable in it. He held out his new arms and looked at them.

"Goodness Potter, do you ever clean your finger nails?"

"Every now and then. If I feel like it." Harry joked. "Malfoy, do you ever see the sun? You're so pale."

"That's not my fault! It runs in my family. Unlike you, not everyone can have a perfect tan." Draco replied as he ran he hands through his new hair. He liked the feeling. It was so soft it was like silk. _You never would have guessed that just by looking at it. I wonder what Potter does to it. That is, if he does anything to it._ Draco started to explore his new body; he liked it.

Harry just stared at Draco exploring his body. Then Draco did something that Harry never would have expected. It also caused a slight blush to appear on his cheeks. Draco grabbed the front of his pants and pulled them away from his body and looked down and then let them go again.

"GOD POTTER!!" Draco accidentally shouted. He leaned in closer to Harry. "No need for you to be modest about your body. I mean come on! I never would have expected that," Draco started to snicker.

"Oh shut up Malfoy! It's none of your business what I've got in my pants!" Harry said while his face started to become a crimson colour.

"It may not be my business, but I do know now." Draco said as his body started to transform back to its original state.

After they had changed back into their normal selves, they both started to work on their essays. Up until the bell they both worked furiously on their essays. Both wanted to get them over with. Professor Snape stood up before the bell rang, "I am very disappointed with you all. Not one of you failed."

The bell rung. Harry was on his way out of the classroom when Draco grabbed his arm and pulled him back towards him. "Remember, Halloween after the feast." _How could I forget?_

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Author's Note: I hope you all liked this chapter. Just so you know. In the next chapter there will be a little Harry/Draco action : )!! If you have the time can you pretty please with sugar on top send me a review? Byes!


	7. Halloween

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Author's Note: hehehe…well here you go! I hope you enjoy it. There is one thing I believe I need to tell you, my story is obviously not going to be like how J.K. would write it. I mean some things that I write might be a little different from the book. That's kind of a given, considering that this is a Harry/Draco fic. Also, I will have some mistakes (okay, a lot of mistakes) in my story; but I am doing as best as I can. Anyways, back to the story.

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Chapter Seven

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Halloween

The next few days pasted by quite quickly for Harry; this was causing him to grow more and more anxious about his meeting with a certain Slytherin. It was Halloween morning and for once he got to sleep in on a weekday. All classes had been cancelled for Thursday and Friday, for Halloween.

Harry could feel someone grab him and shake him, trying to wake him up. Harry squinted eyes his up at a figure standing above him trying to coax him out of his warm bed. Harry reached over for his glasses and placed them on his face. He gazed at the figure in front of him before pulling his covers back up over his head.

"HARRY JAMES POTTER!!! You get out of that bed right now!" Hermione shouted at him as she ripped his covers off of him.

"Heerrmineeee…please, just let me sleep…. Please…" Harry begged.

"No, you've slept enough for today. Just so you know its NOON!! Now, get up or I will come back with a bucket of water. Your choice." She threatened. Harry learned not to question her when she had her mind made up.

Relentlessly, he got up out of his bed and headed for his trunk to put on his clothes. Hermione happy with herself for getting him out of bed, left the room so he could get dressed in privacy. Hermione made her way back down the stairs to get to the Common Room. Hermione walked over to her redheaded boyfriend and sat down on the couch next to him. Ron noticed something was getting at her; she had that look, the look that always says 'Hermione's thinking.'

"What's wrong, 'Mione?"

"Uh… oh, Harry. Something's wrong with him. He hasn't been talking much lately. Has he said anything to you?"

"No, I've noticed that too. It seems like he's got something or maybe it's _someone_ on his mind."

"Ron! I doubt that's it… unless…"

"Unless, what?"

"Unless, he's starting to get upset about Sirius again… but, it's got to be something else. But what could it be?" Hermione stated more to herself than to Ron.

"Well it might be somebody _besides_ Sirius. I mean last week he was reading some book and I asked him what it was and he said it was a Potions Textbook."

"Why would Harry be reading a Potions Textbook? He hates that subject, not to mention he doesn't understand it."

"My point. He's be acting funny. He's been acting like he did last year, when he liked Cho." Ron replied.

"Oh Merlin, don't bring her up again. I had enough of that last year." Hermione said dryly.

"Oh and like me and Harry didn't hear enough about perfect sweet little Vicky."

"Don't call him that. Besides, that's a completely different story."

"Like wow?" Ron questioned her.

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Harry went over to the window and pressed his forehead against the cool glass. He didn't want to meet Draco, but at the same time he did. His emotions were so mixed up. One second he would be thinking of meeting with Draco, then he would think about Sirius, then he would think of kissing Draco, then he would think about the second war that would be coming up soon. He just had so many different things on his mind he couldn't concentrate on anything for too long. Harry had a new thought on his mind…today. Today was the anniversary of his parents' death.

He took a deep breath and looked out the window once again. The leaves were falling, it was beginning to become colder, it was changing. _Change. I hate it. Why can't things ever just stay the same? Why does a person's love have to change? Why do new people have to come into your life and change how you think and live? Why do some people have to come in and kill people and change your whole world once again? Why can't things ever just work out, without something going wrong the next day? Why does it seem like every time you do something right, it's always wrong._

Harry walked over towards the door to his dorm. He was going to go downstairs into the Common Room and pretend, pretend that everything was perfect and nothing has changed. That he is just the same Harry as he was six years ago, even though he knew that he would be lying, mainly to himself. When he got to the bottom of the stairs he saw what made him carry on his life; what made him want to stay alive, what made the war worth fighting for. The young and confused Gryffindor saw his two best friends, Hermione and Ron sitting on the couch arguing about something; just like they have always done. This, seeing his friends, made Harry believe that maybe…just maybe things haven't changed so much.

"Like wow?" Ron questioned her.

"Hey guys. Talking about me?" Harry joked as he sat in the large chair next to the bickering couple.

"Yes." Ron said flatly. "No." replied Hermione.

"Figures…you guys can't even agree on telling me if you've been talking about me."

"Your right." Ron snickered. "No he's not." Hermione said defensively. They all started to burst out laughing. It had been a long time since Harry had laughed; well, truly laughed. He wanted to be happy, but there just wasn't enough good things to override all of the bad.

Harry looked over at Ron and Hermione; Ron was holding her, making her laugh, making her smile, he was everything to her. Hermione was paying attention to Ron and to Ron only, making him feel like the most important guy in the world. They were perfect for each other, whether you could get them to agree on it or not. Harry wanted this kind of security; he wanted that kind of true love. He wanted someone, well, he needed someone to confine in. He needed someone whom he could tell his secrets too. He needed that person who just made him feel complete.

Ginny walked into the room and headed over towards Harry. She walked behind him and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Hey sleep head! Nice to see you up!"

"Nice to see you too, Ginny."

Ginny looked over at her brother and her brother's girlfriend; then turned her attention back towards Harry. "Disgusting. Isn't it?" She said just loud enough for them to hear.

"Hey! Mind your own business! We don't go around talking about you and Seamus!" Ron objected.

"Well, now you can't. There is no more me and Seamus…we split up." Ginny said flatly, as though she could have cared less. "Are you guys going to sit up hear all day or are you going to come and eat Lunch?"

"Lunch!?! Already?" Ron said gleefully; causing another outburst of laughs.

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That night, Harry was sitting on his bed thinking about the night that laid before him. He was wondering what he was going to say to Draco or how he was going to act around him, when two Gryffindor girls came prancing into his room. They both walked over towards Harry with big wicked smiles on their faces. He knew those smiles, he would know those smiles any day; they were up to something; but what they were up to he could not figure out.

"Harry dear," Hermione started, "since it is Halloween and all, and people are supposed to get dressed up and put on costumes and stuff, we were thinking…"

"Yes, Hermione. What _were_ you thinking?" Harry questioned.

"Well, what she's trying to say, is that…well, we want to make you over?" Ginny replied.

"You want to _what_?"

"We want to give you a makeover, Harry!" Hermione squealed with delight.

"NO!!! NO! NO! Absolutely not!"

"Oh please, Harry!!! We promise we won't make you look worse!! It's just for Halloween! Please!" Ginny and Hermione started to beg. Harry looked down at the two girls on their knees begging him. He knew that he had already lost the battle.

"Oh fine, just get up."

"I promise you won't regret it." Hermione stated unconvincingly.

A few minutes later and Harry didn't have his glasses and was being shoved inside of some clothes, which he himself never would have picked out. _Merlin, what have I gotten myself into now. _After he forced his clothes on, the girls started to mess with his hair. They started putting different gels in it, then taking the gels out and starting all over again. He could catch a few words that they were saying ("Red…" "No…. Blue!!" "Oh yea… that would look great!!"); Harry sighed; he just hoped that whatever they were doing to his hair that it would come back out.

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There he was, a few hours later sitting down at the table playing with his food, while his face was growing redder by the second. He'd had so many complements about the way he looked he was about to lose his mind. It was driving him mad, because he himself didn't even know what he looked like. Through out the whole dinner he kept glancing at the Slytherin table and then to the doors, hoping to see Draco, but he never did. Harry was beginning to become worried. He really hoped that the Slytherin wasn't going to back out, or just not show up. He hoped that everything was okay. The feast was only going to last a few more minutes and there still wasn't any sign of the blonde.

After Dumbledore made his little speech, Harry headed towards the main doors. Harry doubted that Ron or Hermione would notice that he was gone. They were just to wrapped up in each other, to notice or care. Harry made his way down towards the lake not knowing if Draco was going to be there or not; he started to question his own motives. Like why was really going down there? As he approached, he could make out a figure pacing back and forth; Draco.

Draco looked up at the Hogwarts castle once again, to see if the raven-haired Gryffindor was coming. That's when he saw him, he saw Harry walking towards him. The sight of Harry almost made Draco have a heart attack. As Harry got closer Draco could make out the finer details of Harry's new look. He didn't look a thing like he normally did. He was wearing skin-tight dark blue jeans with a skin-tight baby blue tee shirt; that matched the blue tipped highlights in his hair. His blue jeans were tight on him in all of the right places and lose where he needed it. His tee shirt seemed to be like a second skin on him. The light colour of the shirt made his skin tone look even darker, than what it already is. He also wasn't wearing his glasses so you could see his radiating green eyes; by far that was the one thing Draco was glad to see change. There was just something about Harry's eyes that intrigued Draco. Draco could feel himself wanting Harry more intensely than he ever had before.

"Hello, Harry."

"Hello, Draco."

"You know, you look different."

"Thanks for noticing," Harry said with a little satire.

"That's a good thing, Harry. You really do look, well, hot." Both boys' faces turn a slight colour of pink.

There was only one thing that Harry wanted to do, he wanted to touch Draco, he desperately wanted to run his hands over Slytherin's porcelain structured body, he wanted his lips to touch the Slytherin's fine and soft, yet strong and hard lips. The newly made-over Gryffindor walked closer to the beautiful blonde Slytherin, he could feel his breath get caught in his throat. His hands started to grow sweaty; he could feel his stomach twist into knots. As both boys looked at each other, they both wanted to be with each other; but neither wanted to make the first move. Harry was starting to feel like he was beginning to have uncontrollable butterflies. This seemed to happen more and more every time he even got near Draco.

Draco took a few uneasy steps towards the newly made over Gryffindor. Harry could feel himself about to faint; there was just too much _tension_ between them. Draco took another brave step towards Harry. The Gryffindor did something that he never would be able to believe that he did, he walked over to Draco Malfoy, grasped the boy's face and kissed him. Draco gripped the back of Harry's neck trying to deepen their kiss.

Harry's needing lips wanted to melt against Draco's; he wanted to drown in the pleasures that were coming from Draco's mouth. His lips were just so warm and soft and toxic. The boy's tongue slithered across the blonde's causing him to gasp. As Harry slid his tongue into Draco's, he then knew how Draco tasted once again. Harry's brain had shut off and the only thing Harry knew at that moment was Draco's taste, vanilla.

Draco ran his fingers through Harry's raven hair. It was just as he remembered it, soft to the touch; he absolutely loved Harry's hair. Draco started to run his hands underneath the Gryffindor's shirt causing the Gryffindor to grab a handful of the Slytherin's arse. He knew the only reason he was here was to be talking with the Slytherin, but talking didn't seem like an option at the moment, shagging each other seemed like a much more acceptable option. For all he wanted was Draco and all Draco wanted was Harry.

The Slytherin's knees buckled and he fell onto the cold earth, bringing Harry down on top of him. Even though the two hit their heads together, this didn't stop them. Harry leaned in and captured Draco's lips in another deep kiss causing Draco to shutter from the ridgedness. Draco never would have guess Harry would have been this demanding, Harry seemed more like the type to take things slowly, obviously he was wrong.

Harry's hands started to undo the buttons of Draco's shirt. He looked down at the newly exposed skin and could feel himself growing hungrier for Draco's body. He ran his hands over Draco's unnaturally soft skin, trying to memorize every inch of the Slytherin. Draco had also managed to take Harry's top off, but he moved lower and started to fumble with the belt on his blue jeans.

Draco wheeled himself over on top of Harry and looked down at the beautiful Gryffindor. He leaned down and kissed Harry languidly, biting and sucking and nipping at Harry's now deep red bottom lip, and rubbed Harry's cock needingly over Harry's jeans. As the skin of their chest's came into contact, it sent a wave of fire through their bodies. Harry rolled himself onto Draco, wanting to take control of their actions.

Harry's palm trailed down Draco's body, his fingers first brushing over his nipple then down to navel before he grazed the palm of his hand over the front of Draco's jeans causing them to become even tighter. Draco moaned loudly, and started clutching at Harry. Harry then rubbed his own erection against Draco's causing them both to moan out. Harry's hands skimmed once again over Draco's abdomens until he reached the top of his pants and undid them. As Harry took Draco's pants off the Gryffindor gave the Slytherin little kisses on his face. Harry wrapped his hand around Draco and started to stroke him firmly, moving in an unsteady rhythm, which caused Draco became weak to Harry's touch, but at the same time he wanted Harry to cause him more pleasure.

Harry went lower on Draco, not really knowing what to do. By guess, he put his lips up to Draco's member and started to leave kisses on it. Draco could feel breath breeze over his cock, chilling the skin, but only making the fire in his stomach grow rapidly. A strong hand gripped his cock softly, yet firmly, and more little kisses were placed on the underside, then they were traced up a tongue going from head to base and back.

Harry flicked his tongue across the head of Draco, causing Draco to let out an unexpected moan. Harry placed his lips firmly around Draco, and started to suck more intensely. Then he concentrated, relaxed his throat and took Draco's length completely in his mouth, pressing his red needing lips tightly together. He pulled back, teasing Draco's cock all the way back up with his warm seductive tongue. He grabbed a handful of Harry's raven hair, wondering if this could possibly be real. Harry kept teasing the underside of his cock, before coming back up and teasing his head, then swallowing him again. The Slytherin boy could feel the pressure rising in him, but he didn't want to come yet; he wanted to feel more pleasure from Harry.

"Mmmph…. Harry…please…. More…" Draco cried out. Harry responding to the Slytherin's request drug his tongue up the underside of his cock, then gently sucking on the head, before taking as much of the Slytherin as he could.

The Gryffindor continued to thrill the Slytherin until he came to his release. After a few moments of Draco pulling himself back together, he flipped himself over on top of Harry wanting to return the breath-taking favour. Draco started to go down on Harry but Harry grasped Draco's hair and pulled him back up to him. Harry locked him in another deep kiss. Draco broke their kiss and shifted slightly so that he was sucking on Harry's tender neck, gently nipping here and there with his teeth, making Harry cry out pleasure. As Draco kept nipping and sucking on his neck, Harry started to whisper things into Draco's ear that made Draco's cock throb. Draco grasped Harry's erection; Harry had been close to coming just from listening to Draco moan out. Draco kept working his hand over Harry's cock before he crawled back down on Harry and put his mouth to the tip of his not-so-little-one.

The Gryffindor could feel the Slytherin's warm pale pink lips curl around him, sucking needingly. Draco eased his throat and swallowed as much of Harry as he could. Shivers went down Harry's spine as Draco sucked him so teasingly. He threw his head back on the cold earth in ecstasy. He tried to suppress his moans, but was failing miserably.

Harry gripped Draco's hair pushing his head further down on to him. He wanted Draco to take more of him; he wanted to be inside of Draco. It just made him feel so wonderful every time Draco teased the underside of his cock. It started to be excruciating for Harry, especially when Draco started to go so slowly, when all he wanted was Draco just to suck him as fast and hard as possible. It was getting harder and harder for Harry to stay moving at this slow speed. Harry's body was demanding release but the slow speed at which Draco was moving at wouldn't allow it.

He lost all sense of control; Harry started to thrust himself deep inside of Draco's mouth. Draco grabbed Harry's hips trying to keep him from thrusting, but after Harry broke free from his grip, he just allowed the Gryffindor to do as he pleased.

"Oh god…mmmgh…. Mmm…fuck, Draco." Harry said breathlessly. "I'm gonna…" But Draco just licked the tip of Harry's cock once more before swallowing it. Harry wanted to thrust into Draco to make his release, but Draco pinned him down mercilessly. Soon, Harry could do nothing besides shake and gasp and just enjoy what Draco was doing to him. Draco swirled his warm tongue around the head of Harry's cock for few, what seemed to be like long moments, then would abruptly swallow his entire length. After a few more moments of Draco teasing his cock, Harry had also met his release.

Harry could feel his heart pounding away in his rib cage and could feel his breath coming in ragged pants. Harry thought he would die from the sensation overload. Draco crawled back up to Harry and placed soft kisses on Harry's face. Harry had never like this after most sexual acts. Most of the time he felt tired and glad that it was over, but not with Draco. With Draco he felt completely awake and to be honest, he actually wouldn't mind going another round with the crystal-eyed boy.

Draco laid his head above Harry's heart; he was listening, listening to his steady yet fast heart beat. Harry ran his finger through Draco's hair and closed his eyes. Just letting the moment wash over him, trying to make it all feel seem real, trying to make sure that it wasn't just another dream.

For many minutes they just laid there, clinging to each other, trying to will their brains back into functioning again. Draco looked up at Harry and gave him a weak smile. They leaned together and shared one more kiss.

TBC

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Author's Note: I hope yens liked that _small_ Harry/Draco moment!! If not, well trust me there will be many more of them later on in the story. Plus, they'll probably be a bit longer not to mention a bit more exciting. Me, myself…I kinda found this scene kinda boring… but it had to be done.

Thanks to all of you who reviewed. And you already know I'm going to ask, so please just review!!! Anyway next chapter should be either Sunday or Monday!! I know none of you really care, but this 4th of July rocked for me. My family actually got together and had one great 4th of July, well, at least without someone yelling, fighting, or crying. It was a first.


	8. Painful Truth

Author's Note: I am so sorry for the long update. It's just that I was planning on writing this chapter last Tuesday; but then I found out that I had to pack to go out to my uncle's for a week. So I didn't really have time to write this until now. I have decided that I am going to update this story every Thrusday from now on. That way I know that I have a deadline. I've also started a new story called **'Anger and Confusion' **it's going to be a darker fic than this one; but it will still be H/D!!! Anyways, back to the story!

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Chapter 8

Painful Truth

It took a few minutes for either of the young boys to have the energy or strength to talk. Once they had both recollected themselves they realized what they had done and how they were still lying with each other.

"Get off me Scar-Head!!" Draco barked at Harry.

"You're the one on ME!!" Harry screamed back at the Slytherin. Draco immediately got off of Harry and they both grabbed their pants. After they had both pulled on their pants, Draco looked over at Harry, uneasily.

Draco noticed the uneasy silence and wanted to end it; but he just didn't know what to say to the Gryffindor. He liked what they had just done, but he just couldn't believe what they had just done. He had just given _the boy who will not die_ head; and he liked doing it.

"I…um…Harry…"Draco started to stammer into the awkward silence between the two boys.

Draco looked over at the half naked boy sitting in the grass beside him. They caught each other's eyes and just sat there gawking at each other, for quite some time. Draco could feel something, but he didn't know exactly what it was that he was feeling. Just looking at Harry made him feel giddy and happy and warm all over, something that the Slytherin was definitely not used to feeling. It scared him, but at the same time he never wanted the feeling to end. Whatever that feeling was, he hoped that was feeling Harry the same way.

"Um…Draco? Why exactly did you want me to meet you out here? I mean surely it wasn't just to do, well to do…this." Harry said trying to get rid of the awkward silence, that still rested between the two boys.

"Harry, why do you think it wasn't about this? I mean you don't mind that we did, do you? I know that I don't regret it." Draco said teasingly.

"I…um, well no I don't mind. It's just that we came out here to talk. Didn't we?"

"Well then start talking."

"About your journal…"Harry started.

"What about it?" Draco asked defensively.

"Well, I read some of it."

"Yeah, I figured that one out." Draco sneered, "What all did you read?"

"I only read six pages." Harry said uncertainly, not wanting Draco to get even more upset with him.

"Which six pages Harry? You're going to have to be a bit more descriptive than that; there are over 1000 pages, so which six are you talking about?"

"Well, I read the first two, two in the middle, and the last two."

"So, then you know." Draco said looking up into Harry's eyes.

Harry noticed that Draco's eyes were full of pain and hurt. It was a sight that really shocked the Gryffindor. He had never seen the silver-eyed boy show any kind of emotion, and here he was just _letting _Harry see right in to him. To really see Malfoy as Draco Malfoy.

"Yeah, I know." Harry said so quietly that Draco almost didn't hear him.

"Harry, could you not tell anyone about what you've read? I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me and I don't really want anyone to know about it." Draco started to plead. He hoped that the Gryffindor wouldn't tell, he needed him not to tell.

"I won't tell, Draco, I promise."

"Good, I don't want anyone else to know." Draco stated, "It's bad enough that you know."

"What's so horrible about me knowing?" Harry questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't know, it's just that, well. I don't like it when people know me so closely that they can use it against me. I mean come on Harry, you have enough info right now to blackmail me for the rest of my life at Hogwarts."

"Draco, only you would do something so cruel." Harry could hear Draco mutter something to himself. "What was that Draco?"

"I said, no actually. It's my father that would do something cruel. I'm not like him, you know. I don't want to be a Death Eater or anything; its just, that I _have_ to be one." Draco said dryly before looking back down at the grass.

"You know, Draco. If you ever need to talk or anything, you can always come to me. I may not know exactly what to tell you back, but at least you could talk about it. That way you wouldn't have to keep it all in."

"Potter, you wouldn't understand the first of it."

"Try me."

"Try _you, Potter_? Like I'm just going to start pouring my soul out to _you _of all people." Draco sneered.

"You'll come to see I do have a certain charm about me, _Malfoy._ Besides, why did you want _me_ to come out here if you weren't going to talk to _me_ of all people?"

"I, well, okay. I guess I did _want _to talk to you." Draco said uncertainly.

"I'm listening, feel free to start when ever you want to."

"Okay. About my father…"Draco started but just drifted off.

"It's okay, just take your time, Draco." Harry tried to soothe.

"I don't know how to put it. I mean I love him and all because he _is_ my father; but after all that he's…he's done. It's just not, well, the same. I don't know how to put into words all of the shit that he's put me through. It's mad. I mean, he's locked me up in my room for weeks at a time, he's beat and cursed me so many times I don't even know how I'm still living, he's bashed my head in doors, sometimes after he's done he'll just leave me there he won't give me any potions or anything he'll just leave and not care if I lived or died, it's like some kind of sick game with him, he likes watching me suffer, one time he left me chained to a chair for a month! I just can't help but to hate him. I just want to see him die sometimes. I just want him to suffer, for all of the pain that he has caused me.

He says that I deserve it all. That I've been nothing but an ungrateful bastard. But how could I be anything but that! HOW in the fucking hell could I be _grateful_ for what he's done!!! I don't get! He used to complain to me when I was younger, before all of this how much he hated his father; all because his father had beat him and put curse on him! I don't get it if he hated his father because he used to do that; then why is he doing this to me! I mean before he started raping me, he, still was beating the shit out of me. I can remember once when I was like 9 or 10, he made me go outside on Christmas when it was 5 degrees outside. The worst part about that was that he made me go out there with only my pyjamas on. God it was fucking cold.

I can remember him bring me back inside after I had passed out. I remember him yelling at me about how weak I'm am and how I will never amount to anything. I mean I don't know one other person who's gone through the shit I have. I hate him, but I hate myself more. I mean I let him do this kind of stuff to me for years before finally standing up to him. I mean I still lose the fights with him, but at I know I did fight. It's better than just letting him. I fucking hate him mostly because he knows I won't tell anyone about it."

"Why don't you tell anyone?" Harry interrupted the young blonde.

"I don't know, too much pride in myself I guess. I don't want anyone to know that I have a weakness; I want to at least seem strong on the outside when really I'm falling apart on the inside. Plus, I did tell. Well, once. I told my godfather. He tried to help me, he talked to my father about it, and he tried to convince my father that I should stay with my godfather for a while. Which in the end father just got pissed off at me and beat me half to death then locked me in my room for two weeks."

"Oh, I see."

"No you don't see, _Potter_. Nobody sees. You couldn't possibly understand even half of the shit that I've been through. Nobody could. How could they? Everyone else goes off and lives their happy little lives. You know what? I, Draco Malfoy am _jealous _of the Weasel. I just don't understand him! I mean he has a perfect life, a great family, really great friends, he knows who in the hell he is, the only thing he doesn't have is money. It's insane. I just wish that for one fucking day that I could have that kind of love he has.

Honestly, I would give up all of my money just for one full day of happiness. That's the one thing that money will never be able to buy me, happiness. I can't let him no that kind of stuff, I can't even let my friends know. That's another reason why I just keep my mouth shut. If I keep my mouth shut, nobody has to know. Nobody can get in, nobody else can hurt me. I don't want people to get in; I want to stay strong. I don't know what I'm trying to stay strong for, I don't know why I want to keep living but I do, at least for now anyway. I don't know how much longer I'll want to though."

"Draco you don't mean that. You, you, can't want to, you don't want to kill yourself or anything, do you?" Harry asked not really wanting to know the answer.

"Well, yeah, sometimes. Actually, I think about it everyday. Sometimes, I just want the pain to end, forever."

"What about when you're with Pansy? You wrote that it makes the pain go away."

"So you read about that too. And it does. Just not permanently. It only goes away for a little while. It never stays gone. I want the pain to go away and stay away. I don't want to feel it any more. I don't want to feel anymore. I hate feeling; it just makes me feel weaker and weaker. I want to be able to shut the world out and not ever let anyone in, ever. I used to be able to, but I can't keep acting anymore, but I need to push everyone out."

"Draco, you can't keep pushing people away. That's what's making you weaker. Trying to keep everything inside. It doesn't work; you'll just end hurting yourself or losing your mind. Trust me, I've been down that road. Trust it's a long, lonely road, too. You can't keep everything in; you eventually have to let somebody in. If you don't, well, then, you're as good as dead."

"Yeah right, what would you know. What kind of pain have you went through? Tell me, Potter? What kind of pain could the famous Harry James Potter have gone through?"

"What kind of pain have _I_ gone through? Let's see, my parents were murdered, I had to watch Cedric die, I had to watch my own godfather die. I never felt one ounce of love until I met Sirius. I have never got to meet my parents. Yes, they were around when I was a baby; but I still can't remember them. My aunt and uncle, well that's a whole other story. I've never had _one _friend until I was 11. Even though Ron, Hermione, Lupin, Hagrid, and Dumbledore are my friends; they still keep stuff from me. They think 'I'm too young to handle the truth.' But HELLO!! It's my life, my future that they are all talking about, and yet they don't think I should know what's going to happen.

I've had to battle with the dark lord. The whole wizarding world looks up to me to kill the sick bastard. The whole wizarding world thinks I'm completely nuts but yet they all still love me. Everyone always has this little image of how the _boy who lived_ should act and they get all upset and angry if they disagree with how _I live my life_. Even when he's not around and he's not doing anything I still dream of what he does. I still see all of the people that tortures, I still wake up from nightmares of watching Cedric and Sirius die. In the end either I will die or Voldemort will die.

I can't tell my own best friends anything otherwise Hermione will get worried and act all motherly and Ron will get pissed off because 'I always get to do everything.' I can't lose at Quidditch otherwise all of the Gryffindors will hate me. Most of my teachers well, mainly Snape absolutely hate me. Every single person I meet already knows more about me than I do. It's completely mad, I have no clue who I am, but everyone already knows who I am. I don't know Draco, I have no clue what kind of pain have I gone through? Your right, the poor little Gryffindor can't feel pain. Oh I forgot only you suck up Slytherins can." Harry sneered at the Slytherin.

"I…Harry, I didn't." Draco began to stammer.

"I know you didn't. Nobody does. Not even Ron and Hermione."

"It's…just. You're one to talk about keeping things in. Potter, why don't you tell anyone?"

"Because I know that no one can understand me. You can't understand pain, unless you've felt real pain. And neither of my best friends have ever felt _real_ pain."

"I agree. I guess that's one of the reason I let myself come down here and talk to you. I know that you've felt pain; I know that you have hurt before. I can tell because I can see it in your eyes; your eyes Harry give away everything your thinking. I _knew_ that you would be able to understand to some degree. I just needed someone to talk to. Someone who, I don't know, I guess trust with my secrets. And who better than my worst enemy?" Draco started to tease. "I guess I'm not the only one who has a secret. Maybe I won't feel so cut off from the world now."

"You know, you can always talk to me. Whether you think I'll understand or not. It's not like I have a lot better things to do. I usually just end up in my bedroom by myself thinking of Sirius. So, I'm always here if you need to talk, about anything." Harry said as he grabbed Draco's hand. He started to run his fingers over Draco's wrist when he felt something. He grabbed Draco's wrist and looked at it. "DRACO!?!?! When…, why…, why did you do…?"

Draco ripped his hand out of the Gryffindor's grasp. "It's nothing, Potter." He replied fixing his gaze on the grass.

"NOTHING!?! DRACO, look at me!! I can't believe you did that!"

Draco raised his eyes and silver eyes met emerald. "Look, it happened last year. I hated it; I hated that year so much. Father was going on and on about you and Voldemort. He became more violent last year, he beat me even more, and anything that he used to do he made it 5 times harder and rougher. I hated that Umbridge bitch. My friends didn't really like me anymore, they were all going behind my back and talking about me. Snape was the _only_ person I had to talk to.

So, I just snapped one day. I went to the prefects bathroom, took out this dagger my father bought me, and just wanted to end it all. It just felt so good, cutting myself like that. All of the pain disappeared. I could _feel,_ Harry!!! I could feel myself dying. I loved the feeling; I just wanted to die. I really did. The world around me started to become darker, and the last thing I could remember was Snape finding me and shaking me, trying to make me get up."

"I still can't believe that you tried to do that." Harry said quietly.

"It wasn't the first time." Draco said flatly.

"What do you mean? Have you tried it before?" Harry asked in shock; he couldn't believe that the Slytherin had tried this more than once.

"Well, yeah. Once in the second year during Christmas break."

"So, that's why you stayed at school?"

"Not exactly. At first it was just to get away from my father, but I don't know. Sometimes I just get so distraught that I want to kill myself. It is a bit mad."

"Not really. I mean, well, I used to cut."

"What!?! Famous Harry Potter cut himself?"

"Don't call me that and yeah." Harry replied meekly.

"Why?"

"Last year, I kissed Cho and completely hated it. I hated her. But mainly it made me hate myself."

"You kiss Cho, so you hated yourself? Sounds kinda lame Harry."

"It isn't like that. When kissed her I realized that I wasn't straight. I guess you could say that I'm still somewhat in denial."

"I realized that a long time ago. I don't mind the fact, if people have a problem with me it is their problem, not mine."

"You said something like that in your journal."

"Ah, I forgot." Draco said, then started to question Harry more, "So besides reading that I'm bi, I fuck my pain away with Pansy, and my whole thing with my Father, what else did you read or see?"

"I well, saw the page where you had the, um, picture of you and your Father. And the part aboutyouthinkinofmewhileyourshagginpansy."

"What did you say?" Draco said while staring at Harry, whose cheeks started to turn a slight pink colour.

"I said I read the part about you thinking of me while your shagging Pansy."

Draco's face immediately turned a crimson colour after hearing what had escaped from the other boy's mouth. Draco looked over at the Gryffindor, whose face was just as red from the embarrassment. "I, I didn't know you read that." Draco started to stammer.

"It's nothing, really, Draco."

"I don't know why I thought of you or anything. It just, just kind of appeared in my mind."

"Draco, really, it's okay. I don't mind that you thought that. Stuff happens."

"Stuff like that doesn't usually happen to me, Potter. I don't usually go around thinking of shagging my worst enemy."

"So, am I still your worst enemy?"

"I, well, you see, no. You never really were. I was supposed to hate you, but I never really did."

Both boys sat there in silence. Neither knew what you say to the other. Not that either of them didn't want to talk to the other. Harry let out a suppressed yawn. It was then that both boys realized that they should probably be heading back to their own dorms.

"Potter?" Harry glanced up at the Slytherin, as if signalling for him to continue. "I, um, I think we should go back to our dorms. I don't really want to be caught out of my dorm to late. Snape will give me hell, _if_ he finds me."

Both Harry and Draco grabbed their shirts, threw them on hastily and made their way back up towards the beautiful castle known as Hogwarts. When they had reached the Entrance Hallway, they said their goodbyes and started to walk off in different directions. Draco turned around and ran back over to the Gryffindor. Harry turned around, he could he someone running behind him, Draco.

When Draco reached Harry, he began to talk but he couldn't finish what he was about to say. He was breathless from running after the Gryffindor; he took a mental note that he should work out a bit more. Instead of using words like Draco had first planned, he did something else. He reached around Harry's neck pulled him close and kissed him. Electricity flowed through both or their bodies as their lips came into contact once again. Harry grasped Draco and pulled him closer to himself, trying to deepen their kiss.

Harry shoved Draco up against the hall wall. Draco moaned into Harry's mouth, causing Harry to smile. Draco grabbed Harry's arse trying to pull him closer to himself. When they finally pulled away from each other, they both had a warm smile on their usually sad and cold faces. Harry looked up into Draco's usually cold silver eyes that were now swimming with emotion.

"Draco?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't stay a stranger, okay?" Draco leaned in once again and kissed the raven-haired boy once again. "Was that a yes or a no?" Harry said teasingly. Draco leaned in and kissed Harry very forcefully and strongly. "I guess I'll take that as a yes."

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A young boy was lying in his bed staring at the ceiling waiting for someone to walk into their dorm. He didn't know why he was worried, it's not like the guy had never stayed out late before. But something just didn't feel right. Most of the time if he was going to stay out late he would tell at least him or Hermione. It just didn't seem like Harry.

_Then again, Harry hasn't really been acting like Harry. Well, not since Sirius had died. Ever since then Harry has been doing stuff he never would have done before. Harry had been well, reckless ever since he died. Harry just didn't seem to care anymore. It seemed like Harry cared about whether he even lived or not._

Ron didn't usually act this way towards Harry, it's just he had a bad feeling about something. He felt like Harry was probably doing something that he wasn't supposed to. Ron hated that feeling, he hated feeling material towards Harry. It was after all, Harry's life and if he wanted to say out late and do shit he wasn't supposed to; it was absolutely none of Ron's business to tell him that he shouldn't do it.

Ron rolled over in his bed, shut his eyes, and tried to go to sleep. It didn't work. His mind kept going back over to thoughts of Harry and why he wasn't in the dorm by now. He didn't want to think of why he might not be in there, but the thought just kept crossing his mind.

I hope he hasn't done anything stupid or got himself hurt or anything. Because if he has, I'm going to be paying hell from Hermione. She acts like he's my responsibility and that I'm the one who should make sure the 'Golden Boy' doesn't get hurt. I bet he's out shagging somebody, or out lying in the Quidditch Pitch drunk. Then again he's probably in the common room passed out on the couch. Nothing to worry about. I just wish that he would stop disappearing on us like that. One second he's right behind you the next he's gone.

Just then the door to the 6th year boys' dormitory flew open, and in walked none other than Harry James Potter. Ron noticed something about Harry that he hadn't noticed in a long time. Harry was smiling and he looked rather goofy, his hair was even more ruffled than normal, his clothes were messed up as though they had been hastily taken off and then put back on, Harry's eyes were glowing with excitement, he seemed somewhat relaxed. Since Harry's shirt wasn't buttoned up all the way he also noticed that Harry had a few love bites on his collar bone. Ron instantly knew what Harry looked like, Harry looked like he had been shagged.

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Author's Note: Thank you to all of you who reviewed; it really means a lot to me. Sorry once again for the long update. Remember, I will be updating this story every Thrusday, so look out for it!! Again, I also have a new fic out called '**Anger and Confusion**.' If you have the time go and check it out! Anyways, hope you enjoyed and please, please review!!!


	9. Fire Talk

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Author's Note: Thank you to all that have reviewed! It just makes me feel all bubbly inside when I get one!!!

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Chapter Nine

Fire Talk

One week later, a young blonde Slytherin boy was on his way to the Potions classroom. As he walked down the corridor he faintly noticed that there were hardly any others stirring in the hallway. Then he remembered that he was going to class an hour earlier than anyone else. The Potions Master, Professor Severus Snape had asked him to come down to his office an hour early.

He began to question why his teacher had asked him to show up early, but he didn't question Snape's intentions. He trusted Snape more than he trusted anyone, even Harry. He loved Severus, he was always there for him when he needed him, he was the closest thing that he to a father, he was his best friend, Severus meant everything to Draco.

Draco approached the classroom and pushed the door open. He didn't bother knocking; there was no need to. Draco strolled around the classroom looking here and there for his Professor and didn't see him. It occurred to the young Slytherin that his faithful teacher might still be in his private dorms. Well, since he already knew where Severus' private chambers were, he might as well just go there and meet him.

The young Slytherin made his way deeper into the dungeons. After a few more twist and turns he stood in front of a large portrait with an odd looking wizard on the front of it. Draco looked up at the portrait for a few minutes; he was studying it. Finally with one last look, the word "aconite" escaped through his lips.

The portrait swung open and reviled a large door. Draco opened the door and reviled a rather elegant living room. The walls were a dark green colour and a few pieces of black leather furniture were place around the room. There were three doors in the room. One leading to the very nice sized bedroom, another was leading to a very large bathroom, and the last one leading to a small yet private study.

In the centre of one wall of the living room was a very large fireplace which happened to be blazing with a fire casing the room to glow. Draco walked over towards it and let the heat rush through his veins. He skin seemed to melt away from the heat, he loved Severus' fireplace. It was the warmest one he had ever stood next to.

There was a cough coming from behind him. Draco snapped his head around to see his Professor standing behind him.

"Hello Mr. Malfoy. Glad to see that you finally made it on time for once." Snape started to tease.

"Hello, Sev. Why did you want me to come down here? Surely, _I'm_ not failing Potions." Draco said while starting to relax.

"No, you're not _failing._ Just so you know, your grades _have _been slipping. But that's not why I asked you to come down here. Take a seat, Draco."

Draco sat down in the black chair beside the fireplace. He didn't want to be too far away from its warmth. He looked up at his teacher who had sat himself down on the couch. If he wasn't failing, and it wasn't about his grades, then what was it that Sev needed to talk to him about?

"Well?" Draco said wanting his teacher to go on and tell him why he was there.

"Well, _I _actually didn't want you to come down here. As it is, you had to."

"Why?"

"Your father." Draco could feel his throat tighten and his mouth go dry. Even though he was sitting right beside the fireplace he felt a cold chill go through his spine.

"What about my father?" He asked wearily.

"He wanted to talk to you. I insisted that you were busy with your studies, but he wouldn't hear of it."

Draco sat in his chair trying to think of something to say, but nothing seemed appropriate. He was sitting there lost in thought when a new voice entered the room, Lucius Malfoy's voice. There he was, well his head anyway in the fireplace.

"Hello Draco, Severus. If you'll excuse us, Severus. I need a word with Draco." Lucius said flatly.

Severus stood up and nodded to both of the Malfoy's before he left his private chambers. Draco suddenly felt trapped. Even though his father wasn't really there, he was _there._ He felt frighten. Every time his father needed a _word_ with him, it ended up in an argument or worse.

"Come here, Draco. I want a better look at you. Come sit on the couch." Draco slowly rose from his chair and walked uncertainly towards the couch. His legs felt weak beneath him. He felt like he was about to pass out. Once Draco had sat down on the couch his father started to talk once again. "As I have said before, I need a word with you."

"About what?" Draco tensely said.

"As a matter of fact, there are two items I need to discuss with you."

"Which are?" Draco said snappishly. He wanted his father to get on with it.

"Hold your tongue young Malfoy. First off, I would like you to come _home_ for Christmas this year. I don't want you staying at that school. Secondly, Voldemort wants you to keep a closer eye on Potter. He wants to know all of his weaknesses, all of his strengths, what he likes, what he hates, what makes him tick, he just wants all of the facts on Potter."

"He wants to know more about Potter or do _you _want to know more about Potter." Draco said angrily. He knew that he wouldn't give them any real information on Harry. He knew that he would hurt Harry. But they didn't, and what they don't know can't hurt them.

"As I said, _Voldemort _wants you to keep a closer eye on Potter."

"Well, then I'll just have to stay at this school for Christmas."

"No you will not!"

"I must 'keep a closer eye on Potter.' After all, he does stay at school every single Christmas."

"DRACO MALFOY!!! YOU WILL NOT BE STAYING THERE!!! YOU WILL BE COMING HOME!!!"

"No I won't." Draco replied at the screaming fire.

"I swear boy. If you don't come home I'm going to-"

"YOU'RE GOING TO WHAT!?!?! BEAT ME??? RAPE ME??" Draco shouted back at his father. When he father didn't answer he went on. "Huh, what are _you _going to do? Whatever you do, you've probably done it to me over 1000 times anyway. So it wouldn't be anything new. By the way, I'm not coming home. There is nothing you can do to make me come back."

"Ohh my dear boy. I am afraid you are mistaken. You will come home. If you don't, well as you've implied I'll just beat you the same old way. With the same old cane. With the same old hurtful punishments. So you can just have more of the same old scars. It doesn't matter what _you _do, you'll still have to come home this summer. And there will be no one to protect you then."

"I will not come back to that _hell hole_! You cannot make me. I would rather live on the streets in rags then live with you. Especially after _you _killed the only one who ever stood up for me. The only one who ever stood up to you. The only one who had the nerve to call you what you really are, A SICK BASTARD!! You killed her, and I swear one day you'll get yours."

"Well, now. It seems like there are two people who have had the nerve to stand up to me. She was the first, and now, now you are making the same poor choice. I doubt that I will ever get _mine._"

"Yes you will, even if I have to kill you myself. You'll get yours. You'll see in the end." Draco said as he made his way towards the exit.

"Yes, we will see!" Lucius' cold voice chased after him as he slammed the door and left.

Draco walked through the dungeons going nowhere in particular. He soon found himself near the Potions Classroom. Since he didn't want to eat, and he wasn't in the mood to talk with the other Slytherins, and he was pretty sure Severus wanted to know what their 'little chat' was about, he decided to go ahead and just go to the Potions Classroom.

Just as before, Draco shoved the door open without even knocking. The Potions Master who was sitting behind a very large desk looked up at him. He had a worried expression on his face. Draco made his way down towards Severus' desk.

"So?" Snape asked him.

"So, he wants me to go home for Christmas and keep a closer eye on Harry. And I will do neither." Draco said flatly.

Severus could tell that Draco was series. He could also tell that him and his father must have also had a row. For Draco's face was flushed and he looked hot and bothered. "I can't blame you. Since when have you _not _wanted to get Mr. Potter into more trouble than he seems to get into by himself? And since when as Mr. Potter been Harry?" Severus started to question with a raised eyebrow.

Draco blushed slightly; he hadn't realized that he had called him Harry. "I, well, he seems to be getting himself into trouble enough now days. And the name thing, it must have slipped. I have no intention of ever calling him _Harry _again." Severus couldn't help but sigh and give a quick chuckle.

"What? What is so _funny?_" Draco demanded.

"Oh, nothing. Just youth." Severus fibbed. Well, it was partly true. Draco eyed him suspiciously but let the matter drop. They both sat there for a few minutes in quiet. They didn't mind either, it was a long time for both of them just to sit and not hear any noises. Just to sit and relax for a few small minutes.

Draco finally broke the silence between the two by asking, "Can I have a favour, Sev?"

"And what pray tell would that be?"

"Could you give Har- _Potter _detention tonight?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because I asked you to?" Draco said with a smile.

"That still doesn't really answer my question. Why do you want me to give him detention?"

"Honestly?"

"Well I would prefer the truth." Severus said rolling his eyes at the boy.

"I need to talk to him."

"Since when have you two been on talking grounds?"

"Never mind that. Just can you give him detention?" Draco said, well actually he more along begged.

"I suppose. I'll find some reason to give it to the poor boy."

"Thank you, Sev."

At that moment some of the early morning students started to make their way into the classroom. A few of which happened to be the Golden Trio, Hermione, Ron and Harry Potter. Draco quickly and quietly made his way back over towards his seat. As the minutes ticked by more students began to fill the classroom. Shortly, the door had shut, Professor Severus Snape stood up, and the class had begun.

Snape started drown on and Draco just tuned him out since he already knew everything that his teacher was already saying. He did however catch a few words like The Draught of the Living Death, wolfsbane, and few others. He was only partially listening to what he said because he was trying to catch when he would give Harry the detention.

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Harry was bored out of his mind. He hated the days when Snape just talked on and on. He what he was saying was important, but he just didn't feel like listening to the man. He would much rather pass notes back and forth with Ron. Or playing Hangman.

He felt someone tap him on the shoulder; it was Seamus. Keeping his hands under the desk, Seamus passed the note over to Harry. Harry opened the letter and looked down at what the contents were.

__

Harry,

Hey mate. God Snape is an arse. This isn't funny learning. This is some kind of sick punishment. Anyway, mate, what are you doing tonight? If your not doing anything, I was thinking that maybe you could help me out. See as you are the Quidditch Captain now, I could really use your help with some of the plays. Besides, we all know that I could use the help.

Talk Later Mate,

Ron

"MISTER POTTER!!! DETENTION TONIGHT AT 7!!! Now maybe you pay attention for one day in your life!! And put that little love note from Mr. Weasley away! Bet yet, just throw it away." Snape shouted across the room.

Harry could feel his cheeks turn a dark colour of red. He hated when Snape embarrassed him like that. And it was not a love note!!!! Harry figured that Ron now knew what he would be doing this lovely evening. He would be spending it with the teacher that hated him the most.

After sitting there sourly for a few very long minutes the class was over. On his way out his red headed friend walked up to him, "Sorry mate, I mean, I didn't know that he was going to."

"It doesn't matter Ron. It's not your fault." Harry said, even though his mind was cursing Ron.

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"Are you happy now Mr. Malfoy?" Snape asked his student.

"Yes, very."

"I still don't understand your motives, Draco."

"That's because I'm a good actor."

"As am I. Did you not see my little performance?" Severus teased.

They both let out a little laugh that was long needed before Draco turned on his heal and started to walk out of the Potions Classroom. When Draco was beside the door he turned to look at his godfather, his potions teacher, his friend, Severus Snape. With a little smile the young blonde Slytherin known as Draco Malfoy said, "I'll see you tonight Severus."

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Author's Note: Reminder for those who have forgotten. I will be updating this story every Thursday from now on. And if you have the time go check out my other story 'Anger and Confusion.' By the way, could you all pretty please with sugar on top review : )!!!


	10. Godfather

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Chapter 10

Godfather

Harry was sitting on the couch in the Gryffindor common room watching the fire blaze. He sat there for quite some time just thinking. He was thinking of Draco and how much fun they had had in the last week. But there was still a tiny part of Harry's brain that he couldn't ignore. It kept nagging at him to stay away from Draco, to never talk to him anymore. But one thing that stuck out in his mind the most was that it kept saying that Harry Potter is not a fag.

He let his mind keep arguing over whether he was gay or not and whether he should be with Draco until a red headed boy sat down in the chair next to him. The red headed boy known as Ron eyed Harry speciously.

"What?" Harry questioned letting a little of his anger towards Ron go.

"Nothing." Ron said flatly.

"Then why are you staring at me like that?"

"I wasn't staring."

"Oh sure, and I'm not the boy who lived." Harry spat.

"What in the bloody hell is your problem?" Ron shouted while his face started to grow redder from anger.

"YOU! You're my bloody problem!"

"WHAT DID I DO?" Ron screamed causing others to look up from their work and watch them.

"Oh, I don't know, it's only your fault that I have to go to detention!"

"It's not my fault you have detention!"

"It sure as hell isn't mine. I didn't write the note to myself now did I??"

"Well I sure as hell didn't tell you to wave the damned thing around in the air!"

"No, but if you never wrote it then I couldn't have waved the 'damned thing around in the air'"

"Merlin, Harry. You're one fine piece of work."

"What in the hell is that supposed to mean."

"Lets see, you kill every person that you love as soon as you come in contact with them. Everyone around you always gets hurt or worse. You're fucking connected to the Dark Lord himself. You can see inside of his mind and he can see in yours. You said yourself that you-know-who hand picked _you _to fight him. You don't tell anybody anything. You're like a bloody black hole or some shit. I don't even know why I'm still talking to you."

When those words escaped from Ron's lips Harry could feel a knife go through his heart. Everything that Ron had said was true and Harry knew it. He just didn't want to believe some of the facts.

"Yeah, well it is not like you have much room to talk."

"What do you mean? What you think there is something wrong with _me_?"

"Yes, there is something wrong with you. Even though everything you just said is true, _you _still want to be _me. _You think that I have this perfect little life. You know what Ronald you're wrong. You say that I kill everyone that I love, you're right. I don't have one fucking person in this world Ron! You, at least you have Hermione not to mention a whole fucking family that loves you."

"You have people who love you, those muggles --"

"Yeah, those muggles who locked me under the stairs until I was 11 years old. The ones that beat me on a regular basis. The ones that every summer I go home to I get to be their own personal slave. Yeah, there's just so much love in that family. You know Ron; I know that you're poor and everything. But I would give up every fucking coin in my Gringotts vault to be in your shoes. I just wish I could have someone who would love me for me not the fucking boy who lived. I don't know why I'm talking to you either if you can't even see me for me. If you can't even see me as Harry Potter not the little kid with the scar who is in the newspapers, me. I honestly don't even know why I'm still here. Every fucking day I think about some way to kill myself. But I just can't do it. I keep thinking that someone out there will love me. But I don't really believe it; it is just something to get me through another day."

Harry began to pull himself up off of the Gryffindor couch. He shot a nasty glare at Ron and left the common room. He started to make his way down the stairs. He wasn't really taking the initiative to walk fast considering he definitely didn't want to see his Professor.

He wasn't in a good mood and going to see Severus Snape was not going to put him in a better mood; actually it would probably put him in a worse mood. At that moment all Harry could think of was how much he hated Ronald Weasley. They had gotten themselves into another fight over nothing. Harry was pissed off at Ron because he now had to spend his night with Snape. Ron was pissed because Harry was pissed off at him.

_It's Ron's fault that I have to go down to the dungeons. Ron didn't have to write me that note. He could have just asked me in there or waited until class was over. Then again, I knew I was going to tell him no; so in a way this just gave me a reason to get away from Ron. God, now I'm starting to sound like Hermione._

Harry walked out into the Entrance hall and started to take the twisty corridors towards Professor Severus Snape's classroom. _If it weren't for him I wouldn't **have **to be coming down here. I probably would be though. But for a completely different reason. I would be coming down here to see Draco, not Snape._

Harry took a deep breath and pushed the door to the potions classroom open. He walked into the room a little nervous. He knew that he was late. Harry just hoped that maybe just this once his professor would not harp on him the importance of being on time.

"Mr. Potter, late as always." His professor began to say.

"What do you want me to do today, you know for my detention?"

"Actually Potter, I'm not the one who wanted you down here. I must say that I by no means want to spend anymore time with you than I must."

"So, I'm not in trouble about the note that Ron gave me? Then why am I down here?"

"Actually I think the person standing behind you can answer that."

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Bqbqbqbqbqbq

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Draco sat in the Slytherin common watching the minutes tick by on his watch. He wasn't going to head to his Professor's classroom until he could at least be 10 minutes late. He didn't want to seem too eager to see Harry, even though he was. Draco sat there and started to tap his fingers on armrest of the chair.

He looked down at his watch once again and saw that it was time to go.Draco looked up at his friends that were sitting across the table from him. He wondered what kind of excuse he should use this time. What should he say so he could get out of here without any of them following him?

"I have to go." Draco started as he stood up. "Severus asked to have a word with me."

"I thought you talked to him this morning?" Pansy stated dully.

"Yes I have talked with him this morning however we failed to finish our conversation."

"Then you best be going, Dra." Pansy teased.

The blonde continued to stand up he piled his books up into a stack then exited the room. __Draco walked down the corridors uncertainly. As he kept walking down the corridors he could feel his hands growing sweaty. He knew that he was going to get to see Harry again tonight; but Harry didn't know that yet. Draco also knew that he was going to be questioned later on by his godfather.

__

Severus always wants to know everything. Where I'm going, who I'm going with, why I'm going. I guess he only does it because he's the only thing I have for a parent. It's just so aggravating. But I still love him for it and he knows it.

Draco was still pondering thoughts, when as he rounded one corner and saw the boy that he would be meeting with shortly. Draco jumped back around the corner. He stood there watching the Gryffindor as he opened the door to the potions room and enter it slowly shutting the door behind him. Draco quietly followed the boy.

He walked over towards the door. Draco took a deep breath and pushed the door open. He looked at the scene that was being played before him. Harry had just walked into the room 10 minutes late and Snape looked thoroughly aggravated.

"Mr. Potter, late as always." His professor began to say.

"What do you want me to do today, you know for my detention?"

"Actually Potter, I'm not the one who wanted you down here. I must say that I by no means want to spend anymore time with you than I must."

"So, I'm not in trouble about the note that Ron gave me? Then why am I down here?"

"Actually I think the person standing behind you can answer that."

Draco could feel his throat tighten up. Harry slowly turned around to look at the person behind him. When he saw that it was Draco, a smile appeared on his face. But that smile was short lived; Harry quickly turned it into a sneer. Harry wasn't sure if Snape knew about them.

"Malfoy," Harry said as hateful as he could.

"Har, it's okay." That was enough for Harry; he dropped the sneer and replaced it once again with his charming smile.

Draco walked closer to Harry. He wrapped his hands around Harry's waist and pulled him close. Draco leaned in and gave Harry a light kiss on the lips. Harry quickly responded to Draco and deepened their kiss. Harry snaked his tongue across Draco's lip. Draco complied and let Harry explore his mouth. Harry didn't know what had gotten into Draco. It wasn't like Draco to be submissive but He liked it.

Severus didn't know why he was standing there watching the two boys; but for some reason he couldn't take his eyes off of them. _So this is why Draco wanted to see Potter. I can't say I blame him. I wonder how these two came to be together. I'll just have to question Draco later. After all what are godfathers for. Besides to completely ruin your life._

When he finally came back into his own mind he let out a cough. The two boys pulled apart from each other and eyed Severus as though they just realized that he too was in the room. "I think I will be going." Severus said. Draco quickly walked over to Snape and said something in his ear that Harry couldn't hear. "Very well then, I guess _you _will be going."

Draco walked over to Harry and said in a hushed tone, "Follow me." Draco grabbed Harry's hand and started to lead him out of the classroom. Harry threw a glance back at his professor and saw him shaking his head. But what surprised Harry more was that he saw his Professor Snape _smiling._

Draco drug Harry through the windy corridors of the dungeon. After being led through few more twist and turns by Draco, Harry stood in front of a large portrait with an odd looking wizard on the front of it. Draco looked up at the portrait and let the word "aconite" mumble through his lips.

The young Slytherin hastily threw the door open. When they entered the very elegant room, Draco shoved Harry down onto the couch. Which was placed in the middle of the room. The Slytherin slammed the door shut and jumped on top of Harry. Draco bent down and pressed his lips against Harry's. Electricity flowed through Draco's body as their tongues swirled around each other's.

Harry pulled away from Draco's kiss. He sat up and pushed Draco off of his lap. Harry saw two things flash through Draco's eyes, hurt and hate.

"Draco, where are we?" Draco's eyes suddenly lost any sight of hate. He then realized that if he were put in the same situation he would probably be asking the same thing.

"In Severus' private chambers."

"What? Why?"

"Because I needed to see you and this was the only way."

"I understand that, but why would Snape let _us _use his private chambers?"

"I asked him to let me _borrow _the place for a little while."

"But would he let us borrow his place? I mean he knows what we're going to be doing in here. So why would he let us have it?"

"Like I just said, I asked him to let me borrow it."

"Why would he let you borrow it?"

"He's my godfather. Actually he's the only thing that I have that is a father. He'll do anything I want him to. He loves me. I can get him to do anything. He's such a softy."

"Snape, a softy? I don't believe it."

"You best believe it. How else would we be where we are right now?"

"Well…I guess you've got a point there."

"Of course I do. You know people are never what you expect."

"I've noticed. You and Snape and god knows who else."

"Even you're not what people expect. People expect you to be extremely strong. Not vulnerable, not scared, not weak, not feeling alone. But you are. I know you are and you know you are. Besides I'm sure that there are many more secrets about you that I'll find out in due time. Hell, I know there are still many things that you don't know about me. Some things, which I might add, I don't want you to ever know about."

"But you know I'll find them out somehow. Whether you tell me or not. I do know about a trusty little book that can give me many answers to many questions." Harry teased.

"You also know, that if I ever catch you near that little book I'll castrate you." Draco said with a big smile. He let his fingers travel down Harry's robes and undo them.

"You wouldn't do that. Then how could you have any fun with me?" Harry said as he grabbed Draco's hand and rubbed it against him.

"Trust me. I would find a way."

"I wouldn't put it past you."

"Are you done talking now?" Draco asked; he was beginning to grow restless.

Harry leaned back up against Draco and kissed him once again. Harry could feel Draco's lips form a smile as they kissed. Before Harry knew what he was doing he and Draco were both laying on the couch in their boxers. Draco pulled away from the Gryffindor and stood up. He grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him off of the couch too.

Draco walked towards one of the three doors and opened it. Harry stood in the doorframe watching the Slytherin walk over towards the bed. _Merlin, he's got a great arse. _Harry quickly followed Draco into the room and he laid himself onto the bed.

"Draco, are you sure it is okay that we do this here…. in his bed."

"As long as we clean up later." He said slyly.

With that, Draco moved so he was lying on the bed, and pulled Harry closer to him. He could feel the warmth coming off of the other boy's body. They started to kiss once again. Harry pulled him closer, deepening the kiss, his tongue searching and tasting. Draco's hand slipped under Harry's boxers and started to tease the growing erection.

Harry started to moan into their kiss. Harry trailed his own hand down Draco's body. He rubbed his hand over Draco's boxers. He could feel the other boy growing harder. Harry finally slipped his hand underneath the fabric and gasped Draco's aching erection. Both boys started to thrust their hands up and down on each other.

Draco pushed down against him, rubbing their erections together, and Harry's breath caught, bucking his hips up against him. Mouth-watering heat washed over Harry as Draco moved against him, chills shooting up his spine that made him gasp and moan out. Draco took his hand off of Harry's cock, which made him cry out in displeasure. But soon Harry's boxers had been ripped off and a warm tongue licking his head now replaced the hand that was once there.

Draco bent over Harry's erection and took it all in his mouth at once. Draco slowly sucked up and down and licked Harry's hardness. Draco swallowed Harry slowly at first but picking up speed. Harry couldn't make a coherent thought if his life depended on it. He couldn't even grumble coherently. He just lie there enjoying himself muchly. He could feel Draco's warm tongue teasing the underside side of his cock, causing Harry to let out a gasp.

That splendid, velvet tongue dragged along the underside of his cock every time Draco moved up, and fluttered over the head right before he slid Harry back into his mouth. Harry moaned and mumbled incoherently, pulling at Draco's hair and clutching at the blankets.

A moment later that glorious tongue was back, lapping slowly at the head of his cock. Harry reached down and gasped Draco's hair; he wanted the other boy to suck him harder and faster. Harry groaned and thrust upwards. Draco choked slightly but relaxed and continued with his motions, "More…Please…Faster" Harry moaned.

Draco started to move faster, sucking harder, taking him in deeper. A moment later, Harry came apart, crying out Draco's name; he tensed and his seed was thrust down Draco's willing throat. Draco swallowed with expert speed and had Harry cleaned up within seconds.

Draco crawled back up to Harry and kissed him, letting Harry taste himself. Harry tried to roll Draco over he wanted to return the favour to the Slytherin but he wouldn't allow it. Harry grasped Draco's cock and started to thrust his hand on it.

All at once, Harry's hand grew fast, erratic and desperate. Harry leaned in and kissed the blonde as his hand kept pounding away on Draco's manhood.

Draco's hand clutched at Harry's shoulder and pulled at his inky-black hair, and Harry raked his nails down Draco's back and grabbed at his arse. Draco moaned low in his throat and his cock twitched in Harry's hand. Both boys lie there clutching at each other. Neither wanted to let the other one go away. They both just wanted to lie in each other's arms.

TBC

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Author's Note: Sorry that I posted so late in the day. I almost forgot that today was Thursday!! Anyways, please review.


	11. I Can't Love You

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Author's Note: Fair warning, this is a very long chapter for me!! I am actually very proud of it too!! Well, I guess it doesn't matter what I think. It only matters about what you all think!! I would like you thank you to all who have reviewed!! I would also like to thank everyone who has been pointing out my mistakes, thanks. I'm not very good in English class; I'm more of a Science, Math, Choir chick.

Just so you know, I will be going back and editing the other chapters (1-10) whenever I get any spare time. Which probably won't be for a little while… I'm going school shopping Saturday, church Sunday, Monday I get my braces off and I'm going to a St. Louis Cardinal Baseball game, Tuesday I have to go and meet my new teachers, Wednesday I'll be writing chapter 12 for this story and chapter 6 for my other story, my school starts back on Thursday!!! So I'll update whenever I can fit it in my schedule.

Sorry for my rambling… back to the story. :D

Chapter 11

I Can't Love You

The raven-haired Gryffindor known as Harry Potter was sitting in a chair next to the window in the Gryffindor common room. For once he was glad that the Common Room held no people in it besides him. Harry loved being around people, but at the same time he much more preferred to be by myself. It gave him a chance to think without being interrupted.

Harry had set the Common Room up like a personal study. He had his books and papers strung everywhere. He had been trying to do his homework but all he had done was create a mess. He had a book in front of him and was trying to read it; but his mind just kept wandering away. Soon the book was just blur as Harry's eyes unfocused.

These days Harry was finding himself more and more confused. He really like being with Draco, well he liked the thought of being with Draco. But at the same time everything was just going too fast. Harry wasn't even sure if he really liked Draco. Yes, he liked the way Draco made him feel and the way that Draco touched him. He loved being with Draco, but he didn't know if he could ever really love Draco.

Harry ran his fingers through his raven-hair and sighed. He knew that he did like Draco; but he just didn't know if he was ready for Draco. Harry just didn't want to be moving too fastly. He didn't want to fall to hard or to fast for him. He didn't want Draco to love him. Not yet anyway. He was scared of love. Loving for Harry always ends in death. And Harry sure as hell didn't want Draco to die.

Harry was snapped out of his thoughts. He heard the sound of tapping. He looked over at the window in the Gryffindor Common Room. There was a black owl. Harry got off of the couch and let the bird inside. The owl did a lap around the room before landing on a small table beside Harry.

The owl stuck his leg out wanting Harry to free him from the parchment. Harry took the piece of parchment off of the birds leg. He rubbed its feathers affectionately. The black owl hooted before it turned around and flew back out the window. Harry watched the bird soar out of the window. He wished that he could be that careless and free. After he had lost sight of the bird he turned his attention back to the piece of parchment. He slowly opened it.

__

H,

Come and meet me outside by the lake. I need to see you again. I miss you. It is just hard for me to be away from you. I know sappy right? Sometimes I feel like I'm starting to turn into a girl or something. Come out as soon as you can get away from the Weasel and Mud-blood.

Talk later,

D.

Harry quickly crumbled the letter into a small ball. He walked over to the fireplace and threw it in. Harry watch the small piece of paper catch fire and then turn into ashes. He hated burning Draco's letters. He knew that he would also hate it if someone found out about them being together. So he burned all of the evidence.

Harry left the Gryffindor tower and began to head down towards the Entrance Hallway. Harry was very happy to not meet any of his friends on his way down to the Entrance Hallway. He didn't really want to have to stop and explain himself to his friends. He didn't want to have to come up with another lie just so he could see Draco.

Harry didn't meet or see one person until he reached the Entrance Hallway. When he reached the Hallway their was a group of Slytherins standing there talking. Harry didn't want them to see him, so he tried to hide.

They easily spotted Harry. Harry tried to ignore them, but they didn't ingore him. They all walked right in front of him, blocking his way. Harry tried to walk around them, but they just moved into his way again. Harry was beginning to become restless and angry. One of the older boys came towards Harry. He reached out and shoved Harry down onto the ground.

Harry stood back up and tried to walk around them. For some reason they all seemed to be letting him go by. But at the last second one of them stuck their foot out causing Harry to trip and fall. Harry busted his chin against the cold hard floor. Harry picked himself back up off of the ground. He kept walking forward trying to ignore them.

"Aaawww, look the little hero won't fight us!!" One of the boys chanted out causing the rest all to burst out in laughter.

"I guess he' afraid cuz dubmlydoor isn't around to protect him." Another one added in.

Harry turned around to say something back, but thought better of it and just kept walking outside. One of the 7th year boys followed him outside and continued to tease and taunt him. Well, until Harry had finally had enough of their crap and turned around and punched the guy.

Once Harry was left alone, he made his way down to the lake were he and Draco always met. Before he even got down to the spot, he had already made up his mind about one thing. If he and Draco were going to do _anything _then Draco was going to have to be the submissive one this time.

As soon as he reached the area where he was supposed to meet Draco, he was swept away by a very passionate yet forceful kiss. Harry felt someone guiding him towards the ground. Harry's body agreed to be pulled down but his mind was screaming in protest. _ You're the one is supposed to be making him submissive. NOT the other way around!!_

It didn't last very long anyway. As soon as Draco had gotten Harry to lie down on his back beside him in the grass he stopped kissing Harry. Draco pulled Harry close to him. He loved the warmth that came off of the Gryffindor's body. Draco curled himself up into Harry's warm body. He placed his head on Harry's heart and wrapped his arms and legs around him protectively.

Draco laid there and listened to the steady rhythm of Harry's heart. He faintly felt Harry running his fingers through his blonde hair. He leaned into Harry's touch. Draco shut his eyes, he felt like he could just fall asleep in Harry's arms. When the touch had finally ended, Draco propped himself up so he could get a better look as his raven-haired Gryffindor beauty.

Harry's features were extremely soft. He noticed that Harry was sleeping peacefully. Harry's eyelids were closed but the were still fluttering. _He's dreaming about something. _His eyebrows were scrunched together. _I wonder what he's thinking about. _His lips were partially spread apart. _Merlin, he just looks so innocent and loveable._

"I love you Harry James Potter." Draco whispered ever so lightly into the other boy's ear.

Harry mumbled something, but Draco couldn't understand what had come out of the Gryffindor's sweet mouth. The young blonde Slytherin couldn't resist the urge any longer. He wanted Harry. He needed to be with Harry. Draco leaned forward a pressed a light kiss on Harry's full red lips.

Emerald green eyes fluttered open then shut right back. He was enjoying the kiss that had woken him up. Draco usually didn't kiss him so softly. When Draco pulled away, both boys had very large smiles on their faces.

"Hello there sleepy head." Draco smirked.

"Sorry… I'm just so tired." Harry replied with a yawn.

"I've been there." Draco teased. He leaned forward and pressed another kiss upon Harry's lips, "but don't think I'm about to go easy on you."

"Really?? Who said you were charge?" Harry questioned as his hand travelled south and cupped Draco's growing erection.

"I…aaahhhh…" was the only answer that came from his mouth.

"That's what I thought." Harry smirked.

Harry laid Draco onto his back. Harry slowly started to undo the Slytherin's robes causing Draco to become fidgety. Picking up the speed he ripped Draco's pants and boxers down in one smooth movement. Harry began to run his hands over the insides of Draco's thighs.

Cautiously Harry began to lap the tip of his tongue around the head of Draco's cock. Draco gasped and grabbed Harry's fine hair. Harry brought one of his hands up and began to cup and squeeze Draco's balls. Draco grabbed Harry's shoulder and dug his nails into it.

With one swift movement Draco's cock disappeared into Harry's mouth. This caused Draco to moan and mumble out things that Harry couldn't quite understand. Harry began to bob his head up and down on Draco's throbbing erection at a very very slow speed. Draco cursed and writhed and called him a manner of unpleasant things, but Harry did not surrender. He grinned around Draco's member, and pinned his hips to the cold soft ground so Draco couldn't thrust into his mouth.  
"You're… aaahhhh… so fucking evil." Draco complained.

Harry brought his tongue up, dragging his tongue up the underside of Draco's cock and began to tease the head of Draco's cock once again. He would slowly tease the head and abruptly swallow his entire length once again. Draco began to try to thrust himself into Harry's mouth.

"Merlin… Har… go faster…" Draco moaned out.

Replying to Draco's request Harry began to go faster. Shortly, Draco was shaking and gasping. Harry teased the head of Draco's cock again, resulting in another string of incoherent curses. Harry couldn't help but to smile. He loved know that he could do this to the other boy. He loved to know that he could cause the boy to writhe with pleasure.

"I… I'm gonna…" Draco tried to say but he just couldn't get his mind to function properly.

Harry began to suck and tease Draco harder and faster than he had been. When he felt that Draco was about to explode he grabbed Draco's balls forcefully, and Draco came violently, cursing and pulling at Harry's hair in a way that made him worry Draco had pulled a handful of it out. After Draco came to his climax into Harry's mouth, he whispered out those words to Harry again, "Harry, I love you."

When the words that fell out of Draco's mouth hit Harry's ears, Harry was beyond belief. Shocked, he moved away from the other boy. Harry backed himself away; he couldn't be near the other boy for another moment. He was scared. The only thing that he didn't want to happen, happened.

Harry's whole body began to shake. He was scared. He didn't want this. He never meant for Draco to fall in love. _He _had never meant to fall in love. He never wanted to fall in love. He was scared of love. Only because every time he got close to someone, they either ended up dead or very hurt.

Draco sat up; he was wondering what had happened to Harry. One second he was there the next he wasn't. When Draco looked up he saw Harry sitting there with his legs pulled up against his body and he was shaking uncontrollably. _Harry looks like he had seen something that was scary, like death or something._

Harry looked up at Draco. Harry needed to know if Draco just said it for the moment, if he said it because it slipped, if he said that to every person he is with, or worst of all if he said it because he really honest to god meant it.

"Har, wha-"

"Draco…" Harry said before taking a deep breath. "I need to know…"

"What do you need to know Harry?" Draco asked. He suddenly realized that something was wrong, very wrong with the way that Harry was behaving. It just wasn't Harry.

"Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"Did you? Did you really mean…Did you really mean that you _love _me?" Harry asked so softly that Draco almost couldn't make out what the other boy was asking.

When it finally sunk into Draco's brain what Harry had just asked him he wondered if he really did mean it. Sure, he said it. But did he really mean it. Draco already knew that answer without even having to ask his heart if it was sure.

Draco crawled over to where Harry was. He raised his hand and placed it ever so lightly on the back of Harry's neck. He leaned in and kissed the Gryffindor soft and light but so passionately and forcefully. After they broke the kiss he responded, "Yes. Yes, Harry I really did mean it."

With those new words coming out of Draco's mouth Harry pulled away from Draco. He moved away from the boy. Harry's mind began to scream at Draco. Without being able to control himself, Harry started shouting at Draco.

"NO!!!! Damn it Draco!!! NO!! You just fucking can't!!!! You can't fucking love me!!! I don't want you to love me!!!! You…you just….fucking can't!!! I don't need you to love me!!! I don't want you to love me!!! I don't want you to be near me anymore Draco!!! All I'll end up doing is killing you!!! I don't ever want to see your fucking face again!!! Just get AWAY FROM ME!!!"

When Harry first started to yell, Draco automatically flinch away from him. Draco was just so used to his father blowing up the exact same way. Every time that his father yelled like that Draco always ended with being beaten. Draco was scared of Harry. He didn't like to see Harry like this. So mad and angry. It just reminded him too much of his father.

Harry curled himself up into a ball once again. This time tears began to streak down his face. Draco slowly got on his knees and went over to Harry. When he got beside the other boy, he wrapped his arms around Harry and pulled him into a hug.

"Don't fucking touch me, _Malfoy._" Harry snapped at him.

The second those words reached Draco's ears, he could have swore that he felt part of his heart rip. Hurt started to fill up in Draco's precious silver eyes. A small tear began to roll down his cheek. But it didn't matter what Harry said he wouldn't let Harry go. He needed Harry.

Draco didn't know what to do besides sit there and just hold on to the other boy. Draco's mind began to overflow with all different kinds of emotions. Anger, sadness, depression, confusion, hate, understanding, love.

As soon as Draco had finally thought that he had found a person to love him to care about him. When Draco finally thought he had found someone to get to know the real him, he thought that the person would want to get to know him and to love him. That person didn't want anything to do with him.

Once again Draco reached his hand up to Harry's face. He pulled Harry's face towards his own. Draco tried to look into Harry's eyes. But Harry wouldn't look at him. When Draco started to loosen his grip on Harry's face he pulled his face away from Draco.

Draco was beginning to become restless. He wanted to know what was wrong with Harry. He needed to know what was going inside of that head of his. _Why won't he just look at me? Is he afraid I'll see something that he doesn't want me to. Is he afraid that the big bad Slytherin boy will be able to get in. Well, it is too late for that Potter. I've already been let in, with a full invitation and everything._

"Harry, look at me now." Draco said sternly.

Harry slowly raised his head up. Stern questioning hurt and loving silver eyes met hurt depressed angry and aggravated emerald eyes. Draco quickly and easily search Harry's eyes. Harry didn't have any of his usual guards up, so it was very easy for Draco to see right into Harry's soul.

Draco saw something that he didn't like. Draco saw regret in Harry's eyes. Draco knew that Harry regretted being with him. He saw that Harry really needed to be with him but he also saw that the boy wasn't going to allow himself to be with him anymore. Draco saw that Harry was planning on ever seeing him again no matter how much it would hurt.

Draco whispered out to him "Harry, please….Don't…"

"Don't what???" Harry shouted back him.

"Please, I need you, I love you."

"YOU CAN'T LOVE ME AND I CAN'T LOVE YOU DRACO!!!!"

Draco took a sharp breath. Pain spread through his body. Draco could feel a very large part of his heart just _die_. He knew that what Harry had just said was the truth. But he refused to believe what Harry had just said. Draco looked up at Harry's eyes once again and saw nothing but pain, hurt, confusion, and sorrow. He quietly asked, "Why? Why can't you love me?"

"I…I just can't." Harry stated flatly.

"Harry, please don't do this. I need you in my life. You are the only thing keeping me alive."

"Merlin, Draco!! You don't get it!! You don't understand!!"

"Then help me understand, Harry. Please."

"If you fall in love with me. I will hurt you or worse you might be killed." Harry snapped at him.

"Then it is worth it. If I have to die for loving you. So be it. Because I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you!! I need you in my fucking life. Okay, I don't know if I would want to be here without you."

"Draco, you would end up being killed!!"

"At least that way I would know that you love me!! I would know that you care for me!! I've _never _felt _love_ in my _entire_ life, Harry!! And the FUCKING SECOND I really think that I can let myself fall in love, the second I think that someone could actually care for me, you say that you don't want to love or care for me at all!! You say that it's not worth it and that you kill me!! Harry don't you get it by not being with me YOU WOULD KILL ME!!!"

"You'll thank me for this in the long run for doing this to you."

"NO!! HARRY listen to me."

"No you listen to me. I don't want to be with you any more. I don't want to talk to you anymore. I don't want to ever see you again. I don't want you to ever come near me anymore!!! Just stay away from me Malfoy. Just stay away from me."

"Harry please."

"NO!! DRACO DON'T FUCKING START WITH ME!!! I don't want to see you anymore!!! I won't watch you die like all the others. I won't hurt you."

"Harry just stay…"

"Draco, I can't do this. I don't want to do this. I know that you want to be we just can't!! I'm sorry… I just… I just can't love you Draco. I never will be able to either."

"Yes you can, Harry. Just let yourself."

"NO!!"

Harry stood up and sprinted to the castle. Leaving Draco sitting on the grass by himself. Draco then mimicked Harry and curled himself into a ball and slowly started to rock himself back and forth. Draco suddenly had the desire to just die or to some how just end his life.

He knew that without Harry, his life would become meaningless once again. That he would end up going back down the same old road he had been down before. Draco knew that without Harry he was nothing. Harry was the reason for life. Harry was the reason to smile. Harry was the reason to have hope. Harry was the reason to get up day after day. Harry was the reason Draco took care of himself. Harry was the reason why Draco was still alive now.

Draco knew that he really loved Harry. He also knew that Harry loved him. It was written all over his face. It snapped in his mind. _That's why he's pushing me away!!! He's afraid that he will hurt me. He's afraid that I'm going to end up like his mum and dad. It's not like he can **ever **hurt me worse than my father. I need to get him back. But how?_

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Harry's mind began to spin as he was running. He didn't know where he was running. All he knew was that he was running away. He was running from Draco, he was running from love, he was running from his life, he was running away from all of the feeling that he felt for Draco. Harry didn't want to lead that life; but he knew that he eventually would. He just didn't want to have to deal with it now.

_Why did have to say that???? Could he have just left things how they were. Everything was great. I mean I really do care for him. I mean I would really like to love him. Just not now. Not with his father being a Death Eater. Not with his father alive. Not with Voldemort alive. There is just to much danger in loving him._

If he loves me and I love him… then that would end up in his death. I won't let that happen. I can't let that happen. But I really do love him. I really do want to be with him. But I just can't. I can't love him. I can't love anybody. I won't watch another person I love and care about die. I just can't do it. If I see anyone else die… then I would lose my mind.

Before Harry knew it he was standing in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady. He said the password and she let him in. Harry walked into the Common Room everyone went silent and everyone was giving him an odd look. Harry didn't feel like talking to anyone. Harry could hear the whispers chasing him up the stairs.

He ran up the stairs and into the boys' dorm. After he had entered the room, Harry slammed the door behind him. He threw himself onto his bed, pushed his face down into the pillow and cried.

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Hermione had just sat down after going off on some of the younger Gryffindor students. _Irresponsible little brats. Why on earth would the leave their shit all of the Common Room like this. _There were books and papers all over the Common Room. Not to mention that the window was left open. So now the Common Room was freezing cold.

Hermione put the stack of books on the coffee table beside her own. She picked one of the books up. It was the same Transfiguration book that she had. _So it wasn't the younger kids. It was someone in my own YEAR!! God I am going to kill whoever mistreats their books like this. _Hermione opened the book and looked at the name on the inside cover, Harry J. Potter. _I am going to kill him!!! I was just yelling at him about this a couple of weeks ago, and now he does it again!!!_

Hermione had calmed herself down so now she was quietly sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room studying her Transfiguration homework when a someone entered the room. She didn't look up to see who it was, she just kept reading. Shortly after the person had enter the room went silent then filled with raging whispers. Some Hermione could make out others she couldn't. She did hear a few that sounded like, "What happen…his face is all… looks like… was he crying?"

Hermione looked up from her book, she was not one who liked rumours and gossip; but this just sounded so interesting. When she looked up to see who everyone was talking about. The boy ran off and up the stairs. Even though she only saw the back of him as he went up to the boys' dorms, she knew exactly who it was. _You can never mistake that black hair._

She quietly put all of her belongings into a pile next to Harry's and left the room chasing after the raven-haired boy. She was going to go up there and talk to him about his belongings and how he should treat them. When she reached the room, she pressed her ear against the door and listened. She could hear crying. _Something is wrong. Why is crying? What happened?_ Hermione slowly pushed the door open and walked in.

Harry didn't stir so she took a few more steps towards the crying boy. Hermione walked up to him and placed her hand on his arm. He jumped at the sudden contact. He pulled his face out of the pillow and looked up at the person touching him.

"Go away, Hermione." Harry said flatly.

"What's wrong?"

"Go away."

"Harry… please talk to me. I'm worried about you."

"Yeah, right. I'm sure you've been thinking about me between all the times you been snogging with Ron."

"I have been thinking of you Harry." Harry rolled his eyes at her so she continued. "Harry just tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong."

"Harry…"

"I SAID NOTHING IS WRONG!!! NOW GO AWAY!!!" Harry shouted.

He was becoming annoyed; he wasn't in the mood to talk. He was in the mood to cry and mentally cuss himself out. Hermione walked over closer at sat herself down on his bed. Harry flipped himself over and sat up then glared up at her. Hermione reached out to grab his hand. But he saw what she was about to do and pulled his hand out of her reach. She looked up at him with sad eyes.

"Talk to me."

"No."

"Why?"

"BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG!!!! THERE IS NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT!!! THERE IS NOTHING THAT YOU CAN HELP ME OUT WITH 'MIONE!! SO JUST GO AWAY!!!"

"NO!!!" Harry looked up at her shocked. It was that often that Hermione would yell at people. "Harry I will not leave here until you admit that something is bothering you."

Harry looked up at the bushy haired girl and almost smiled. She knew him better than anyone. She never even had to try to understand him, she just did. Harry took a deep breath and looked up at her. He didn't want to tell her anything but he knew that he would end up telling her.

"You're right. There is something wrong…"

"It's okay… you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to."

Harry looked down and thought. He thought of everything that had just happened in the last hour. He thought of being with Draco. Loving Draco. Yelling at Draco. Then leaving Draco. When he looked back up at Hermione his eyes were red and watery.

"Oh Har, it's okay." Hermione said as she wrapped her arms around him. Harry tried to fight her off. He didn't want her touching him, he didn't want anyone touching him. It made him hurt. Harry began to cry, he knew that he had fucked up.

"No…" Harry began "No… it's not okay. I royally fucked this time. I don't think I can live without… I don't want to live without… I mean I really fucked this up. "

"I'm sure that you didn't."

"YES I DID!! NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!!! There is no way I can go back now…there is no way… I don't want to go on… I need…" Harry shouted at her as more tears made their ways down his face. "Sorry… I didn't mean to…"

"It's fine Harry. I don't mind." She replied tightening her grip Harry.

Harry shuddered at Hermione's touch. Instead of trying to fight her off again he just curled into her embrace. Hermione slowly laid down. Harry laid his head on Hermione's stomach. He listened to her breathing as he cried. Harry tried to settle his breathes down. He slowed his breathes down until they were in time with hers.

Hermione slowly ran her fingers through Harry's fine hair. Harry leaned into her touch. So she continued so swirl his hair in-between her fingers. Harry wrapped his arms around Hermione tightly. He didn't want her to leave him. Harry didn't want to be left alone again.

He didn't say anything to her; he just cried to her. That's all she wanted. She just wanted him to just let it all out. She hated it when he tried to do everything by himself. Hermione knew that Harry wasn't as strong as he tried to pretend and she was just fine with that. She cared for Harry. He was like a brother to her. She loved him with everything she was.

Hermione looked down at Harry again. He was lying there sleeping on her. She didn't have the heart to move him. It had been a long time since Harry had had a good sleep. So there was no way she was about to wake him. Hermione settled into his bed more. She was slowly starting to let herself fall asleep too. Her eyes fluttered shut. She jerked them back open when a red headed boy walked into the room.

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Ronald Weasley walked into the Gryffindor Common Room and sat down on the couch. He saw some books piled up on the coffee table. Ron picked one up at read the name on the inside cover. He looked over at his baby sister who was sitting in the chair next to him.

"Gin?" Ginny looked up from her homework which was resting in her lap. She nodded for her older brother to continue. "where's Hermione?"

"Oh," Ginny took a deep breath and said, "well Harry ran up the stairs and Hermione chased after him. It's been about an hour."

Ron sat there for a few more minutes debating on whether to go up there or not. Ron slowly started to get up off of the couch. He stood up and stretched his body out. He began to walk over towards the dorm stairs when Ginny called out, "Where you going?"

"To see what they are doing." Ron said flatly and continued to walk up the stairs.

He reached the door to his dorm. He shoved his overly large ear against the wood. He didn't hear anything going on. He slowly and quietly opened the door. Nothing could have prepared Ron for what he saw.

His girlfriend and his best mate were lying in his best mates bed. Harry had his head on Hermione's stomach. He had a smile on his face. Hermione was playing with his hair. She had a small smile on her face too. Harry's face was red, so was Hermione's. Harry had his arms wrapped around her legs.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! 'MIONE!?!?! HARRY!?!?!"

"Ron it's nothing."

"OH YEAH!!! IT SURE LOOKS LIKE NOTHING!!!"

"It's not what you think, Ron!" Hermione said as she slowly shifted Harry's body off of herself.

"Really. Then maybe you would like to explain why you two are in a bed together."

"Ron shut up!!" Hermione whispered harshly.

She grabbed her boyfriend's hand and led him out of the room. She shoved him out into the hallway. Ron looked at her with surprise. He had never seen her to aggravated in a long time.

"What in the hell is your problem Ron?"

"My problem? You were the one in bed with Harry!"

"So what!?! We didn't do anything!!"

"Right… and my name is Professor Snape." Ron said as he rolled his eyes. "Then what did happen."

"I don't know--"

"You don't know?? How could you not?? You were there the whole time?"

"That's not what I meant. I meant, Harry came into the Common Room all upset. He looked like he had been crying. He ran up to his dorm. So I chased after him. He was talking crazy Ron. He was saying stuff like he didn't want to go without something. He sounded like he was going to hurt himself or something. All I tried to do was calm him down. I just hugged him. He wouldn't let me go and I would let go of him either. He just fell asleep in my arms. It's been a long time Ron. A very long time since he has actually slept well. You should know that better than anyone. After all you're the person that hears him screaming out in the middle of the night. I just didn't have the heart to wake him up. Then you walk in like a blundering idiot and started to yell…"

"Oh, I didn't know, 'Mione. It's just I saw you two together… and I thought…"

Hermione leaned into him. She pressed her lips against his. When she finally pulled back she said, "Ron, I'm with you no one else. I only want to be with you. Don't worry about me cheating. If I ever _need _anything…I'll come to you." Ron leaned in and kissed the bushy haired girl again.

"So, do you know why he was upset in the first place?"

"No, he wasn't talking. Like always. I just wish he wouldn't keep everything to himself."

"I know, I know. But he'll tell us whenever he feels like telling us."

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The next day Harry woke up in his bed. He realized that he was still fully clothed. He knew that he must have slept the rest of the day away. _Fuck. I missed breakfast. _Harry slowly sat up in his bed. He looked around the room. Nobody else was in there either. Harry cursed himself; he must have slept away part of this Sunday morning.

Harry slowly put his feet onto the cold floor. He stood up and went over to his trunk. He opened it up and began to look for something to wear. Harry grabbed a pair of jeans and a red shirt. Harry threw them on and left the dorm. When he reached the Common Room he noticed that there was no one in their either. _This is so odd… where is everyone?_

Harry quickly began to go through the portrait hole. Then he saw over half of the Gryffindor house standing their all of them looking very upset.

"Thank Merlin. Very body go in." One of the 7th year students said.

Harry saw Ron and Hermione in the back of the crowd. He made his way over towards them to ask them what had happened. But before Harry could even ask Hermione was already answering him.

"The Fat Lady changed the password while everyone was downstairs eating breakfast. She won't let any of us in. That was, until you came out."

"Ohhhh…" was all Harry could say.

Hermione looked at Harry oddly and asked, "Harry are you okay??"

"Oh, yeah Hermione. I'm fine. I'm just going to go for a walk."

Hermione looked at him suspiciously before saying, "Harry it's your life. Do what you want."

Harry gave her a quick smile before he began to walk off. Harry didn't feel like going outside, it reminded him too much of Draco. There was only one place that he could go that didn't have any memories of Draco. The Library. Harry walked down the corridor towards the Library when he saw one person, that he didn't want to see. Harry tried to turn around and walk in the other direction; but it was too late, Draco had already spotted him.

Harry quickly backed himself up against the wall of the corridor. Draco walked over towards him. Harry's breath caught in his throat as Draco walked closer to him. Draco kept coming closer until their noses were an inch apart. Harry couldn't take he leaned in and they're lips rubbed against each others.

Draco grabbed Harry's legs and wrapped them around him. Draco thrusts himself against Harry's crotch. Harry moaned into Draco's mouth. Draco could feel Harry grow hard to Draco's touch. Harry wrapped his hand around Draco's neck and pulled him closer to him. Draco kissed Harry's lips lightly. Harry leaned in and kissed Draco harder. Harry snaked his tongue against Draco's bottom lip, begging for entrance.

He complied and let Harry in. Electric flowed through their bodies as their tongues rubbed against each others. Draco pulled back from Harry. He looked into his eyes and saw love, lust, and wanting.

Draco leaned forward and licked Harry's ear causing the Gryffindor to moan out. Draco whispered to him, "Tell me you don't want this. Tell me that you don't love me. Tell me you don't want to be with me."

Draco pulled back from Harry so he could see Harry's eyes. Draco saw several emotions flow through his eyes. But one that really stuck out was anger. Harry stood back up and shoved Draco away from him.

"Merlin Draco, couldn't you have just left things they were. Isn't _this _just good enough for you?? Why do you always want more??? Why can't you just be happy being with me??" Harry replied as he stormed off towards the library.

Harry entered the library. He walked to the very back corner. Nobody ever sits over there. That's why it was Harry's favourite place. Harry could get caught up in his own little world back there. Harry took his seat. There was a window right next to this one little corner in the very back of the library. Harry stared out the window.

_How am I going to keep him away from me? I need him to just stay away. He just doesn't understand all of the danger in us being together. I can't, I won't put him through all of the same shit that I've been through. There has to be some way to keep him away and to stay away._

The boy continued to stare out the window. He was trying to think of some way anyway to keep Draco away from him. He loved Draco. He didn't want to see Draco get hurt. _Get hurt? Hmmm… that's IT!!! I need to hurt him to keep him away. I need to go out and date someone else!! I'll have to break his heart in order to get rid of him. The first Gryffindor girl I see back in the Common Room I'll ask her out._

Harry jumped up out of his seat and ran out of the Library. He continued to run through the corridor until he stood in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady. He then realized that he didn't know the new password. Luckily for him Seamus was about to go into the Gryffindor Common Room also.

"Hey, Seamus do you know the new password?"

"Of course!" Seamus turned towards the Fat Lady and said, "Bowtruckle."

The Fat Lady swung open and Harry and Seamus walked into the Common Room. Harry saw a girl sitting in one of the chairs next to the fireplace. _She's not the prettiest thing in the world. But she will have to do. _Harry walked up to her. She looked up at him confused.

"Harry? Why are you loo-"

"Sshhh. Don't talk. I just have one question for you?"

"Okay." The girl shut her book and looked up at him.

"I want to know… well, that is, if you're interested… will you go out with me?" The girls face brightened up and glowed.

"Yes of course I will!!"

She grabbed Harry and pulled him into a hug. She then leaned in and kissed Harry on the cheek. Harry's face flushed red from embarrassment. Harry stood up. He felt himself being pulled into another hug. Harry turned around to see who was hugging him this time. It was the girl's older brother.

"Harry!?! Why didn't you tell me you had a thing for Ginny?" Ron said with a grin across his face.

__

Because I don't have a thing for her. I have a thing for your worst enemy. "I don't know Ron… I guess I wanted it to be a surprise."

It had finally sunk in what Harry had done. He was going out with his best friend's little sister. _When Ron finds out that I don't really like Ginny, when he finds out that I'm just going to use his little sister, when he finds out I'm gay, when he finds out I'm with Draco, he is going to kill me!!_

Ginny was sitting across from Harry with a grin a mile wide. Harry gaze a quick fake grin back at her. Harry realized that he had just made her dream come true. He also realized that he would end up breaking her heart in half. He also realized that within the last 24 hours he had made the biggest mistake of his life.

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Author's Note: Well, that's this weeks Unspeakable Passions!!! If you want to read something that has Harry more depressed and with a more screwed up life then read, **Anger and Confusion**. If you want to read something that isn't slash and a bit more smutty read **The Vain Love. **But even if you do read those stories, please, please, please review this story!!!


	12. Wanting

**Author's Note: **I just want to thank all of you who reviewed! ALSO! I AM VERY VERY SORRY ABOUT THE LONG UPDATE! It is just that school is back in now and I'm finding it very hard to find any spare time to write. Because now finally, I am a SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL!( for those who don't know… it's my last year in school :D) Plus, with being a Senior, I'm also take college class, and being an assistant teacher with little kids…So my year is pretty busy, which leaves very little time for me to do things that I enjoy. : ( So I will no longer be posting very Thursday, I WILL JUST POST WHENEVER I HAVE THE TIME!

Okay I'm done rambling. Back to the story.

**Chapter 12**

**Wanting**

A redhead and a brunette were sitting on the Gryffindor couch studying. The redhead girl reached over and grabbed the brunette's hand. The brunette boy looked up at her; he smiled at her. So she continued to study.

When the girl grabbed the boy's hand, it had startled him. It had awoken him from the trance that he was in. He wasn't really studying. Sure, he did look like he was reading his book but it was just for show. Nobody ever let him think anymore. Well, not without asking questions.

All he wanted was a little time alone so he could gather his thoughts. All he wanted was to know what in the hell he had just gotten himself into. The boy's eyes began to become fogged and unclear once again as he began to drift into deep thoughts again.

The brunette looked over at the redhead. He knew that he should really brake it off with her. For the last week he had done nothing but lust after another person, another man. He loved the other boy, but he just wasn't sure if he was ready for what the other boy would mean to him. He didn't know if he was ready to except that he was in fact gay.

He knew that he liked being with the other person. He didn't know if he loved him but what he didn't know is that his heart loved the other boy more than he could ever possibly know. If only there was someway for his heart to scream at his mind, saying that he was a fool and that he needed to go back to the other boy. That the other boy was his happiness. That he was mad for leaving that kind of happiness. That if he doesn't go back to him than he should have his head checked.

He looked back up at the girl sitting to his right. He felt a sharp pain in his heart, guilt. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he still did it anyway. He still played with the young girl's heart, knowing full well that she wasn't playing, she really did care for him.

Young Harry Potter then knew what he had to do; he needed to break up with Ginny Weasley and go back to Draco Malfoy. If only it was as easily done as said.

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A young blonde boy known as Draco Malfoy was sitting on his bed in the Slytherin dungeons. The boy sighs deeply. He got off of his bed, crossed the room over towards the window, he sat down beside the window. He began to stare out the window, unseeingly.

He sat there and began to think. Think of a certain Gryffindor that he never meant to fall in love with, he just did. He was only meant to sleep around with the guy. It was only supposed to be about the blow jobs and maybe eventually sex. But everything change. He didn't know how it changed, just that it did change.

He knew that the other boy was scared. Hell, he was scared himself to. He didn't want any of this, well at first. Now he couldn't keep his mind off of the boy. He just loved everything about the boy. Even though the boy had clearly stated that he could never love Draco. Draco knew that the other boy would eventually come around. Until then, Draco knew that he had nothing better to do than to wait.

But it was hard for him to wait. Especially since the boy had a new _girlfriend. _It was hard for Draco to watch them at all of their meals. It was hard to see them kiss. It was extremely hard for him not to break down in front of all of his friends at school. It was hard for him not just to walk over to the Gryffindor table and punch the bitch.

It really hurt when he saw Harry and Ginny kissing and Harry would keep his eyes on Draco. It was hard for Draco not to run over to Harry and just kiss him. But no matter how hard all of it seemed. It wouldn't do it. He had to keep his cool. He had a certain image to obtain. If anyone was going to crack, it wouldn't be him. It would have to be Harry.

There was a knock on the door, but the blonde didn't pay any attention to it. He could hear the door opening and closing. _Why doesn't anyone just leave me the hell alone! _He could hear someone start to walk towards him. _GO AWAY! I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!_

Draco felt someone sit down beside him. _You can't make me look at you, I won't talk to you, all you're going to do is waste your breath. _Draco could feel someone wrap their arms around him and hug him. _Oh Merlin, please don't touch me with your filthy hands._

He could hear the person beside him whisper out, "Draco?" _Shit, it's Pansy. What in the fucking hell do you want now? _Draco continued to ignore her. She began to whisper, "Draco, please just look at me…" _Why, why should I look at you? _She said sternly, "I want you to look at me so I can see what is going through your mind, Draco!" _What, now you can fucking read minds?_

Draco looked up at her anyway. When she finally saw his eyes she could see loads of anger, but behind that there was nothing but hurt. _Happy now bitch? I looked at you. _Pansy didn't realize what all of the hurt was from. She thought that Draco was hurting because they had broken it off. _What in the hell? Why are you looking at me like that?_

Pansy leaned over towards Draco. She pressed a light kiss on his lips. _What in the fuck is she doing?_ Draco pulled away from her. He gave her a glare. Seeing that he was now even more pissed she knew what she had done, wasn't the right thing to do. _God, please, just go away. I don't want you of all people here. _"I…I… um… I'm sorry, Draco. I just thought that well,…"

"You thought what? That I was still in love with you? That I actually did love you? That I cared for you?" Draco let out a cold laugh.

Pansy looked up at Draco; tears began to form in her eyes. She whispered out, "You don't have to be so cruel do you?"

"Yes. You damned well know it too!"

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean," Draco said not really caring to hear what she was about to say.

Pansy let out a deep sigh and continued to say, "I loved you, Draco. I still love you. I care about you. When I see you like this… it hurts me too."

"Then don't look at me."

"Draco don't…" Pansy said as she began to sob heavily.

"Don't what? Don't tell you that I don't love you? Well guess what Pansy, I DON'T LOVE YOU!"

"Draco please…"

"PANSY! I DON'T LOVE YOU. I CAN'T LOVE YOU!" After hearing what had just came out of his mouth, it had just sounded all to familiar.

"I love you, Draco."

"NO! don't… just… just go!"

Pansy stood up and ran out of the room. Draco leaned back against the wall, he brought his knees up to his face, and began to cry again. _What if this is how Harry feels? What if he really doesn't love me at all? What if he really doesn't want to see me again? What if he really can't love me? What if he feels for me how I feel for Pansy? What if I was just his escape? What if Harry really does hate me? '_

_Then you would die.' _said a little voice in the back of Draco's mind.

'_But he loves me.'_

'_How can you be so sure?'_

'_I just know that he loves me.'_

'_What how you love Pansy?'_

'_No, he really does love me.'_

'_How would you know, you've never felt love.'_

'_I just know that he does.'_

'_How Draco? What makes you think that he could ever love you?'_

'_His eyes… the way that he looked at me… he has to love me…'_

Draco stood up, walked back over to his bed, stuck his hand underneath the bedding, and pulled out a very small book. The book was about the size of Draco's palm and it kind of looked like his journal, but it was just so much smaller. Draco pulled his wand out of his back pocket, pointed it at the small book and said, "Engorgio!"

The book in Draco's hand grew. Until it looked just like his journal. Actually it was his journal. Draco sat down on his bed. He placed the book on the bed beside him. He leaned over towards his night stand and wrapped his fingers around a quill and an ink bottle.

' _I just don't know anymore. I love him so much. I want to be with him, but he's already moved on. I just want to be able to hold him again. To love him again. I just want to be able to call him my Harry again. There are just so many feelings going through me, and I just don't know what to do. I want to run up to him and just kiss him, but I don't want to be turned away either. It started off as just sex, but then it became making love. Oh Merlin. What have I done. I've fallen in love with a man. I've fallen in love with the one guy that I'm supposed to hate. If he only knew how my heart cries out for him… how I long just for one more kiss with him… one more shag. I miss the feeling of his warmth against me. I miss his soft lips on mine. I miss the roughness in his desires and need for pleasure. I miss his cute smile. I miss his brilliant green eyes. I just miss him._

_This just sucks. He knows that I love him. How can he do this to me? I would have given him my heart. I don't understand. If he didn't like me, then why spend all that time with me? Why did he give me those looks? Why did his eyes say that he likes me? If he loves me, then why is he with her? Who gave her the permission to come into our lives and screw it all up? Why does he have to like her? I can't believe I'm letting myself sound like this. I should move on. I can find a new bloke just like that. But the only problem is, I don't want a new bloke, I want him._

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Glistening blue eyes looked up from the book. They looked over at the raven-haired boy sitting beside her. Her eyes stared pointedly up and down his small yet strong fame. She bit her lips and wondered what he tasted like. She removes her hand from his, and drops it down to his lap. He jumped and looked up into her innocent eyes. A somewhat seemingly innocent smile spreads throughout her face.

Harry looks down at the hand now resting in his lap, slowly beginning to massage him. Harry looks back over at her. He can't help but to let a smile grow across his face also. Ginny throws her books down carelessly and leans in towards the raven-haired boy trapped beneath her. Her soft lips came down hard onto Harry's.

He was in surprise. Just a moment ago he was thinking of how he wanted nothing more than just to be making out with Draco. Now, here is his best mate's little sister straddling him. Harry knew that he had already blown his chances with Draco, so he might as well mess around with Ginny while he can.

When he began to kiss her back roughly, she shoved him further into his seat. She bit her now swollen lip as she looked down at him. As she leaned in for another taste of him, she began to grind her hips into his swelling pride. The harder he kissed her, the harder she rubbed herself into him. The green-eyed wonder couldn't help but to moan out against her mouth.

The seductive red-head leaned back away from him and gave him a lustful smile. That smile reminded him of someone… _Oh shit… Draco. Draco smiles like that after we make out. Draco gives me that look when he wants to fuck my brains out…_

Ginny jumped off Harry's lap. She began to walk away, but stopped. She turned around and held her hand out for him to grab. Once his hand became laced with hers, she took off. She turned around and flashed him the most devilish smile she could. She raced up the stairs with him right behind her. There was only one thing on her mind…

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Pale fingers were desperately trying to undo the front of his pants. They were just too tight. He needed some freedom and breathing room. Finally the button came lose. He kicked his pants off of himself. He jumped on top of his bed. He slowly began to let his fingers explore himself. The blonde's body began to quiver as his hand roamed every part of him.

Thoughts and images of Harry kept filling his mind as he stroked himself. Draco kept playing the image of Harry sucking him off over and over again in his mind. He kept picturing those green eyes looking up at him. He kept thinking of the warmth of Harry. He kept thinking of the way that Harry would let his tongue wonder all over his cock.

Draco began to rub his thumb across the slit of his head. He bit down on his bottom lip to keep himself from moaning out. He began to picture Harry standing before him, begging him to take him. He pictured him smiling with those lips. _Those full red lips that like to wrap around my throbbing cock. Those lips that hide that tongue that runs up and down my length, making me beg for more. _

As his hands circled around his cock and continued to grasp and squeeze, moans started to escape from his pink lips. He kept pretending that was Harry's hand on him instead of his own. A layer of sweat slowly began to appear on Draco's tainted flesh. His chest began to rise and fall.

His hand began to pump up and down. Slowly he began to buck his hips up into his hand. He could feel his release coming. He could feel it growing closer. Draco was picturing Harry jerking him off like he did the other day. Draco rolled his head to the side and bit his lip. He could feel the pressure is his lower stomach building. Draco lowered his other hand down to balls and began to roll them around in his hand.

He felt like he was going to explode. Only one name was going through his mind… _Harry! Harry! Oh FUCK HARRY!… yes…please…baby…oh god… Harry…_

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Red vevlet curtains are slowly drawn closed. She crawled over the bed to where he was sitting. Ginny climbed on top of him. She was sitting on top of his lap. Their faces were even. It made every so much easier this way. Once again plump intoxicating lips were pressed against his. She started nibbling on his bottom lip begging him for entrance into his warm mouth. As he let her in he could taste strawberries and chocolate. Harry could feel Ginny slowly rocking her hips into his. He could feel the fire in his lower stomach growing with each rock. Harry could feel himself growing hungry for Ginny's touch.

She shoved him backwards. He was now laying, with her straddling him. Ginny leaned down and planted another kiss on him. Her small hands slowly began tracing up and down his chest. Her slim fingers began undo the buttons to his shirt. Once his skin was exposed, Ginny took full advantage. She began to leave little kisses all over his tanned chest. As he went back up for another kiss, her hand went down and began to play with his nipples.

"Harry…Harry… I want to feel you Harry. I want you to touch me Harry. I want you to bring the flush to my face. I want to kiss you hard. I want you to make me scream. I want to feel you inside of me, Harry. I want you to push my legs apart. I want to feel your cock inside me. I want to feel you pushing inside of me. I need to feel you in me. I need to feel you cum in me. I need you to make me scream out your name. I need you to fuck me Harry."

Green eyes suddenly flashed from lust to fear. Harry didn't want this. Yes, he had wanted to make out with Ginny and maybe do a little more, but he had never thought of doing this with her. _Oh shit. She wants me to fuck her. She needs to feel me. I don't want to feel her. I want to feel Draco. I want to scream out Draco's name. I want to fuck Draco, not her. Yet, I have never really been with a girl. I've never really had a girl beg me to fuck them senseless. I wonder what Ginny feels like. I want how she would look beneath me, begging me, to make her cum. Oh gods, she's Ron's sister. He'd kill me. He'd kill me if I slept with her._

"Please, Harry, fuck me." _Screw Ron. If he was me and he could, he would. But I still love Draco…_

As she gazed into his eyes she saw so many different emotions going through him. She could she lust, love, hatred, want, confusion, sadness, anger, and she could she him hurting. Ginny leaned down into him and placed a small kiss on his scar. "What's wrong, Har?"

"It's just…well, that I've never done this before…"

Ginny couldn't help but to smile at his innocence. Her smile reminded Harry of Draco. Draco smiled at him like that right before they used to mess around. Harry shook his head to get the images of Draco out of his mind. Harry could feel little nibbles on his ear. He could feel her kissing his neck. He could feel her nuzzling against him. _Draco used to do that…Draco used to kiss me like that…_

"Don't worry…I've done this before…you can just sit back and relax…and of course enjoy yourself," Ginny whispered against his ear.

Harry looked up at her with confusion. He was floored. He thought that he was going to be Ginny's first. Nobody had ever mention to him that Ginny had had sex. Although those thoughts were being pushed from his mind by Ginny's hand slowly undressing herself. He was put into a trance as her hand slowly slipped each button through its loop.

Pushing her hands aside, Harry continues to undress her. Her sweet intoxicating lips once again pressed against his. He leaned back against his bed dragging her down with him. As Harry's hands slowly began to wonder over her body, Ginny began to strip Harry's shirt off of him. The touch of her skin was soft and smooth. When his icy cold fingers ran across her skin it made her moan. Ginny's hands skimmed Harry's stomach down to were Harry's belt was and unhooked it. Ginny wanted to giggle at Harry's innocence.

Harry rolled them over. He gazed down into her eyes. He couldn't see anything but pure lust. He figured there was no reason not to let her have what see wanted. Swirl tongues of lust met once again. He began moaning out as Ginny's hand glided over the soft fabric that was hiding his arousal. Ginny pulled away from Harry's kiss. She wanted to look into Harry's beautiful eyes. With her legs, Ginny slowly guided Harry's pants off of him.

Harry let his hand fall onto Ginny's back once again and undid the clasp on her bra. His fingers returned to the front and brushed over Ginny's nipples and she made a soft, quiet noise in the back of her throat.

Shyly, Harry begins to rub his quivering hand inbetween Ginny's freckled legs. He slid Ginny's silk panties off of her. He began to run his hands over the insides of Ginny's thighs. Ginny gasped when Harry's talented fingers ran across her clitoris. Becoming restless Ginny flipped herself on top of Harry.

Ginny pushed herself against him. She wanted him. Ginny slowly slid herself down onto Harry engulfing him in her heat. Harry let out a breathy moan as he felt her grind against him. Harry groaned, loudly this time as she slid herself up and down his shaft. Harry squinted his eyes in pleasure. When he glanced back up at Ginny, she almost for a split second looked like Draco.

Oh Gods Draco. Draco's pale, musclure body. Harry began to picture that it was Draco riding him, Draco pleasuring his throbbing member. Harry moaned again, feeling Ginny slowly slide on him.

He took hold of the back of Ginny's head and brought her down into a passionate kiss. As their tongues began to dance in lust, Draco pushed his way into Harry's mind. Harry nibbled on her lip, as though he was nibbling on Draco's. Ginny rubbed her hands up and down Harry's back in a soothing manner as she gently pushed herself back down on him harder this time. Harry trembled.

As Harry grabbed onto Ginny's slim hips, he imagied that he was holding on to Draco. Shoving Draco down onto his wanting cock. Harry's body was finally moving at the same needful pace as Ginny. Ginny began bouncing uncontrollably on him. Causing him to groan out at the new irregularity.

He rolled himself on top of her. He began to thrust into her hardly, pushing her against the bed. He want to feel Draco again. He wanted to pretend he was fucking Draco once again. He grabbed her legs and shoved them apart further. He wanted to be as deep in her as he could. He wanted to feel his cock rubbing against Draco's prostate.

"Oh God, Oh God, OH GOD!" Ginny began screaming.

As she came her muscles tightened around him. Harry still thrusting into her pretending that it was Draco's ass cried out. Harry felt himself shoot into Ginny. His breaths now erratic. He laid down on top of her, and slowly let him the thoughts of Draco leave his mind.

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Oh he was fucking pissed. He couldn't believe what he just saw.

There he was laying on his bed getting ready to take a nap when those two had to come in. It was bad enough that they had to make out in front of everyone in the Common Room, but no, here they are going at it again. He was sickened by the sight of Harry and Ginny making out. Touching each other. But this just drew the fucking line. The making out was bad enough, now they were fucking each other!

He was pissed. He was pissed at Ginny for having sex with other people. He was pissed at Ginny for having sex with god knows who all of those other people were. He couldn't believe that his sister was a tramp. He was pissed at Ginny because she caused his best friend to have sex before him. He was pissed at Ginny because her and Harry had had sex one week into their relationship. God don't they have any morals? What happened to waiting to get to know each other? Or is it fuck now, ask questions later?

He was pissed at Harry for fucking his baby sister. I can't fucking believe him. It's one thing to makeout in front of me. I can't believe he shoved himself inside of her. And then her liking it, and begging him for more. Fuck it all! I can't believe that he has been going out with her for a week and got laid. I can't fucking believe that Harry had gotten laid before me.

It's not his fault though. Harry had fallen for Ginny's trap and slept with her, like all of the other poor idiots.

Fucking Hermione. Hermione wouldn't go past second and sometimes when I'm every lucky third base. Hermione wouldn't have sex with him.

To hell with it. I'm a fucking pervert. I just watched his baby sister and his best friend fuck. I watched him slid in and out of her. I watched her blush. I watched him breath deeply. I watch the way he touched her so needingly. I fucking got a hard on while watching them. I touched myself, pretending that I was fucking Ginny. She's my sister, but she just looked so damn hot. I touched myself, pretending that Harry was fucking my ass.

I'm pissed off. I liked watching them. I'm sick.

To be Continued...

**Author's Note: **Yes, I know. Draco and Harry. Don't worry, they'll get together. And yes, Ron is a very dirty, little boy :D


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